stressed
i've been dealing with a mix of all my trauma and trying so hard to not shut down.
i've finally found the legs to admit fully with no doubt i was groomed by a woman i used to trust and finally was able to cut her out my life after years of keeping face for others. ive been bothered since this is the second time i was groomed by someone. it's a nice feeling to be freshly 20 and finally, feel from her.
i've been dealing with the idea that people gain obsessions with me and want me all to themself to use and abuse because i fight back so little to keep friends and feel stable for once in my life. i'm so scared of disappointing people and being a letdown.
i just feel like a toy and joke to everyone, something to use to get their itches scratched
the struggle of keeping friends came from [probably] my mother who also abused me and my father throughout my childhood and cheated on him. they are divorced and ive not seen her in 6+ years while minimally talking to her. she kept me from seeing or making friends and paraded me around as something special yet was jealous when my father bought me barbies, hot wheels, carebears, bratz, when she got a computer which any person would've died for in the mid-late 2000's.
its. hard to feel like this so much. it makes it hard to stay present in interpersonal friendships with new people as im scared they will just use me as a tool and means to get their own way and i can't just have no friends, i need social stimulation like any person.
i do apologize if this came off as a dump and was overstimulating. im still very unsure of what exactly is wrong with me and im worried this is the wrong place to post
I have CPTSD from a violent abusive childhood and being groomed a couple years ago... Your not alone and there's nothing wrong with you. Your a survivor of trauma, Great your here on 7 cups ppl here are really supportive.
I wanted to share my short version of my trauma. I figured out in therapy that I was in transferrance with my groomer. I transferred my relationship with my violent childhood abuser onto my groomer trying to remake the relationship I had with my abuser into something better. Twisted huh?
Of course the groomer is the person at fault for taking advantage of my trauma state of mind. That person was a person in power over my medical care. Now I'm trying to sort through all my abuse and unravel all the twisted parts so I can function in the life I have left. Not an easy task to be sure and I feel totally alone in it because no one understands groomed, trauma bonding , child abuse and how it affects the victim. Unless your talking to a therapist or another victim ppl don't get it and they think I'm stupid. It's why I share with no one. It's why I am here. 7 cups makes me feel like wow there's others that feel this way. I hope this helps and wasn't triggering for anyone. I can't sleep ....I feel like I need more help than I'm getting. I am here, I am around and I support you. Best 💜ABB