When you trigger someone
I've noticed a disturbing pattern in the chatrooms. When a person says that the current topic is triggering to them and asks for a subject
change, some people tell them, in essence, to ‘get over it, because triggers are everywhere. In case you dont know, being triggered isnt
just a way of saying you dont particularly like a topic. It usually involves things like panic attacks, breathing problems, visual/sensory
flashbacks and even potential relapse in areas like self-harm or substance abuse. If youre talking about something inappropriate and
someone asks you to stop, theres no excuse for blaming them for suffering an involuntary reaction.
But, you may be saying, the topic I was bringing up wasnt inappropriate. I wouldnt tell them not to complain if it was.
That may be very true. And to a degree, we all need to make an effort to acclimate to subjects were uncomfortable with before asking others
to change the conversation.HOWEVER, 7 cups is supposed to be one of the few safe places for people suffering conditions like PTSD to
socialize without fear of being mocked or blamed for requiring special consideration. And please remember that just because you, yourself
are suffering does not give you the right to say anything that comes into your mind without regaurd to other suffering people whom you
might hurt.
To put it simply:
changing topics is easy; suffering panic attacks, flashbacks and other involuntary reactions is very hard.
Bottom line:
if someone is saying youre hurting them, youre supposed to care and make an effort to stop, whether you did it on purpose or not.
@Topsy
i agree there are too many insensitive people in the chatrooms
@Topsy
Very well put! Thank you for talking about this topic, I agree with you very strongly. It's very unfortunate that some don't take triggering subjects as seriously as they should. 7 Cups as a whole should have a climate that everyone feels safe participating in.
Is this just referring to the group chats? If so, this has already been discussed and the person being triggered has options. I don't think someone seeking support on an issue in group support should have to stop getting support because someone is triggered when there is a win-win solution already.
Heather has already given suggestions on what to do.
But for the most part, triggers come down to personal responsibility and you are expected to manage your own experience in the support rooms.
Here's what you can do if you're feeling triggered by something in a chat room:
♥ Mute the person who is triggering you.
♥ Take a short break from the room and try out a mindfulness exercise.
♥ Take a short break from the room and do something you love - go for a walk, listen to music, phone a friend, take a bath etc.
♥ Connect 1-1 with a listener to talk through your feelings.
Actually most of the time the person(s) triggering others aren't seeking help. What I've seen is most often people casually talking about sexual matters, drinking/drugs etc for fun. Those people are usually violating the terms and conditions of the site anyway.
Furthermore, while (as I said) the person suffering has some responsibility to avoid socializing, they can't be expected to avoid it everywhere and if 7 cups isn't a community where people can be bothered to respect the needs of others, where is? If someone is triggering others and the person doing the triggering is actually doing so as a byproduct of getting support they can at least do 3 things:
1) trigger warn first
2) avoid extremely graphic descriptions
3) respect the terms and conditions of the site
@Topsy The number of things I have seen people say they are triggered by is a huge range of topics though. I have many triggers myself, although not for PTSD and not conversationally related. I don't know how one can predict if something will need a trigger warning or not.
@AffyAvo
you are right you can't pick up every trigger but you can have some common sense when it comes to triggers, also if someone if being triggered it should be the responsibility of the person making the triggering comments to change the subject not for the person being triggered to have to leave
@selfconfidenteagle6805 exactly self. "If you don't like it, leave" hardly seems in the spirit of an emotionally supportive website
@selfconfidenteagle6805 I never said they had to leave. There is a mute button. I agree people should be sticking to the rules. While it might not be Topsy's experience I have seen people want others who are getting support to stop talking about an issue they are getting support for because they find it triggering. A trigger shouldn't trump someone's ability to get support, especially when there are tools to deal with it.
The vast, unpredictable, uncontrollable internet is not a safe place for someone who is easily/deeply triggered. That's why there is no PTSD room. That's why 1 on 1s exist.
I mean one person trying to seek support can end up triggering to someone else. Who should be kicked out? Who should be shut up? Well that's the wrong question to begin with. Suggesting to someone that group chats may not be best for them is not the same as "kicking them out", it's more just redirecting them to a different feature of the site that is better for someone in that situation.
...And then there are people who do use the word triggered as a way of saying they are just uncomfortable or upset
And also the people who use it as a joke.
Yes, those people exist too.
