Trauma and Short Term Memory Loss
Hi,
Wood Violet here. Getting used to posting again. In dealing with C-PTSD and not able to be completely free of the longest term abuser; that will come when I'm able to function. I've found myself so disturbed by my short term memory loss. (This isn't memories directly involving abuse/assaults that can blank out). This is trying to get through every day life, not functioning...putting paperwork aside and never finding it, setting clothing down and can't remember where it is, trying to pick up and do activities that I took for granted I knew how to do - are totally new to me and don't make sense, once I "refresh" on how to do them the the memory of ever having known how doesn't come back, and doesn't stay with me. I have to relearn later in the day, next day, next week if I try again. I have a tremendous amount of anxiety and stress trying to stay safe, along with severe insomnia that won't clear up, no matter all the sleep hygiene/CBT-I I've done (much of my assaults have happened in bed, so I understand my brain keeps me safe by keeping me awake). Does this working-memory loss happen to any of you? If I get to a "safe" point/place, does this short term memory start coming back, so I can function in daily life?
@WoodViolet
It sounds like a lot of your memory problems are coming from not being able to encode the memory in the first place. This means you're not actually taking the information in, not that you can't access it. You are putting it in your working memory and discarding it before it is encoded into longer term memory. The ability to encode memory can be very affected by stress. If you are in an environment that is constantly triggering you, then it makes sense that you are having a hard time encoding memory, as your brain has too much trouble maintaining attention for the length of time you need to store memory. One trick that could help is by doing meditation/mindfulness/grounding exercises periodically throughout the day. Teach your brain to be calm in all environments and you may see an uptick in your memory encoding again. It will take practise but I believe you can do it :)
@Hoxenos
Thank you for your thoughts. What you say makes so much sense. Things are keyed up, that makes it hard to encode or digest and remember or learn. I am trying to "steal" a few moments for myself and do meditation with Muse a few times a day, too early to tell effects. I'm grateful to have you this forum to talk with!
@WoodViolet
I think I understand what you are saying. I lose time, but in a slightly different way. An example is I went to the store to get ketchup. I know I went to the store and I'm 90% sure I bought the ketchup. I cannot find the ketchup anywhere. Where did it go? Sometimes I feel like I need to put beacons on my things so I can find them later. It can be difficult.
As for not being able to sleep in the bed, I haven't been able to sleep in my bed for a long time. Instead of continuing to fight it, and suffer by getting no sleep, I made a safe place to sleep that isn't my bed. I used pillows, blankets and I take my favorite bear. It's like my own pillow fort that is designed just for sleeping. For now that has allowed me to get at least a couple hours of sleep. Might something like that work for you?