@Bossy1
First of all, I'm sorry to hear that you have been deeply hurt and attacked like that by someone; what they did was not okay, and the fact that they continued these horrible acts against you for a period of time shows what an awful human being they are to have done this to you. And the second thing is, I'm sorry to hear that you have been told that "time heals." This misconception floats around constantly, the idea that no matter what happened to you, as long as time passes, it will get easier. Maybe, in some cases, it helps that it's further in the past, because you can try to forget about it more easily--but when you have suffered such deep trauma, it doesn't work like that. It comes up in the form of many reminders, things pop up in your head; the pain is real and genuine in every moment.
I was a victim of repeated rape myself for a span of two years and a half, and it's been around two years since the last time I was raped. And funnily enough, I've had people tell me that "time heals," as if my sorrow and pain will go away or should have already gone away. People who haven't experienced truly terrible things can't possibly understand the feeling that is left with you in your body and mind, that sticks with you. And it's not your fault that this is the case, that these memories have been haunting you--and if anyone tells you it is, it's because they don't understand, and they haven't been what you have been through. It's true that most people never fully "heal" from what happened; it happens, and to an extent, you grow wiser and realize the world isn't a safe place, that things don't work out like how they are supposed to.
At the same times, perhaps people like us can have a greater appreciation of the moment, of people around us who are kind and when good things happen. Because we understand personally how truly much worse things could be. On another level, there are some ways to potentially move forward, even though it's been almost 20 years. Trying to do things that give you joy or some relief could be helpful--I like to write and draw myself as a release, and it helps me feel in control and in charge of myself, unlike the loss of control and pain I felt back then. And when these things don't work, I know that some people like having routines--like doing exercise in the morning by walking outside or watchign a good show at a certain time. Routines help build some consistency and can relieve a bit of anxiety because we have planned and taken some control over what has happening, and it also helps fill in time, so we're not sitting or standing but doing something, so it makes it less likely that the negative thoughts and memories will float into our mind.
