Losing my mind

@saturdaysweaters xoxo when it feels like

@saturdaysweaters

Sometimes the hardest thing to do in the recovery journey is to keep an accurate perspective of your rate of healing. Every win feels like it should have been easy but wasn't, and every setback feels like you're back at square one. Healing from trauma isn't the same as healing from a physical injury, it is not a straight line.

It sounds like two weeks of good was unlikely before, but you did it!! That is an achievement you want to be proud of. One dissociative episode does not undo all the hard work you've done. Perhaps this time you recover faster than you did in the past. Unfortunately with trauma there may always be triggers or life stress that pulls us back and overwhelms us, but how well we use our coping strategies and how quickly we recover each time is the true reflection of our recovery.

I try to compare myself to months or years ago. It's so easy to have a bad day and think "this is worse than yesterday why am I a failure" but recovery isn't about any one day. It's about weeks, months, and years. It sounds like overall you are doing well and steadily recovering, but that being said, I know how frustrating it can be to have setbacks. It would be nice for things to be easy for a change haha. But you'll get there, I believe in you :)

@saturdaysweaters

I'm hoping that you find your way to a professional therapist who can help you with this.

In the meantime, mindfulness exercises might help?

@saturdaysweaters

I'm so sorry you're going through this. There are times in everyone's lives when we have to take whatever we are going through one day at a time, or one hour at a time, or even just one minute at a time. I have even had times when I said to myself, "I can get through this second, one one-thousand" then thought to myself okay I did it, saying "I can get through the next second too, two one-thousand." and so on until I felt I could do a minute or more at a time. When I have those times, I tell myself, "This too shall pass." and sure enough, it does. The Calm app, or asking Alexa to help me calm down both work for me too. I wish you the best and hope you can get some relief soon. Perhaps is a medication issue?

@saturdaysweaters

I don't know what this experience might be, but you are not alone. We all have our own struggles and events that have marked us. There are triggers that bring us back to those exact moments and it feels surreal with the same feeling of anxiety and helplessness. It is in those moments that you must try to wake up and have a strong mentality. Remember that it was something that has passed and that you are working towards a better you.

No matter how hard or how intense, you must keep a positive outlook and think of it as one day at a time or even one minute at a time if a day seems too long. Just remember to take it easy and take baby steps.

When I go back to some memories I try to listen to music that I like and that has helped me cope with the situation. If the music does not work I try to stay away from what triggered them and try to do something completely different.

For example, being in a car accident in the past might get triggered by a close call with another car. What I would try to do is calm myself down first, being aware and driving to the nearest gas station/coffee shop/ rest point. From there just stepping away from my car, talking to someone over the phone or even just getting a drink of water helps me get over some things.

I sincerely hope that my writing has helped you in any slightest way.

Sending good vibes your way.