I can't feel happy?
I've been diagnosed officially with PTSD, but me and my psychiatrist both think that I have c-PTSD. Anyway the thing why I want to share my feelings is that I don't know anymore what happiness feels like. Yes, I know it a bit and it comes only very rarely and for few seconds most likely and then it is gone. No matter what I do, I don't feel happiness. I know that some things make me feel better, but not exactly happy. For example, I'm sure that if I wouldn't have great time with my boyfriend, I wouldn't feel so well as I do - I'd miss it a lot and feel sad without him in my life. I love him dearly and he is the one for me, it's not about that.
Another example: I love drawing, have loved it my whole life. It makes me feel okay, but not happy. And I love taking care of pets - and I have few cats myself - but it still doesn't make my brain think that I'd be happy.
My therapist have said to me that it is most likely that my brain doesn't know anymore what happy-feeling is actually. As we both agree, my c-PTSD started VERY young and my personality and development was not finished at all. My multiple and ongoing traumatic experiences started as I were little kid and continued until I ran away from my home - at age of 17. I think that this is a key thing in this. I am currently 22, turning 23 in the end of this year.
I somewhat know what feeling happy is as I've said, but it comes so so so rarely that it makes me a bit worried if I'll ever have normal feeling-scale at all. My mother has said that I should seek for even the smallest things to be happy about and there is currently many things in my life of which I should be glad about. I am glad about that I have my boyfriend (we've been together for 6 years so far), we have quite nice rental apartment, I have 3 cats which I love dearly, I am graduating from school finally at age of 23.
Could please someone tell how to feel more happy again? I have medication and therapy, but is there any other way to myself seek more for happiness, how to find it in my life more often?
I don't know if this will help, but it's becoming a more we'll known idea that we are made more happy in general by experiences instead of things. I try to make it a point on my weekends to experience something. I live near Seattle so last month I drove up the peninsula to hurricane ridge and hiked in the snow. This weekend I am going to a spring fair and next weekend I am going to the zoo. I have a small road trip planned this summer to a replica of stone henge and plans to go to the ocean for 4th of July. I've bought tickets to see my favorite podcasters perform and even though being among the crowds can be hard for me (social anxiety) I find the experience is rewarding and I give myself permission to back out if that is what is best for my mental health.
Having complex PTSD makes feeling anything very difficult. Many people with complex PTSD have stated that they feel numb more than anythung. I can certainly understand feeling confused about thinking you should be happy about certain things but yet never quite feeling happy. There is no magic answer. It takes time and a lot of work. It sounds like your boyfriend and therapist are both good supports for you!
~Angel
That sounds familiar. Most of the time all is feel "grey-smushy-numbness", it's like I can't feel anything.
Most of my feelings what I CAN feel are anxiety, depression and stress, also feelings similar to those. I've become huge progress though, but I always thought that someday I could feel more positive feelings... My anxiety has decreased greatly, depression is mostly gone and I stress less..
@vilivilperi I understand how you feel... I was recently diagnosed with PTSD following being left by the love of my life for his ex who he claimed he didn't care about, and then didn't even acknowledge to her that we had a relationship :( As if I was just a speck of nothing.
I used to love reading and listening to music, but now I find no pleasure in them. I've even tried getting back into painting and crafts that I used to love, but I'm finding they're more of a distraction instead of something that makes me feel happy.
My heart goes out to you... I wish I could share more useful information with you other than you're not alone, and others are fighting the same fight. I don't even know what I'm fighting for any more, but I guess part of me really believes I can get better and enjoy life again. I feel like that part of you must exist too if you're posting here. I wish you the best of luck. I wish I could help more.
