How does one even begin to talk about it?

Try saying it like it is, as if you were a narrator watching from behind a glass screen, if this makes it easier. There are plenty of Listeners, including myself, if you would feel more comfortable talking 1 on 1. I hope you find the strength to tell your story. We're all here to listen and help as much as possible.

Hi and thanks for your fast reply! I understand what you're saying and yes, I hope too that I'll find the strength to talk someday. For now my issue is that I'm unable to voice any of it, I've tried writing but I feel weird and detached which I don't like. It makes everything seem so stupid and ridiculous, like I'm making it up or that it's just not that bad really. Like my mind tries to rationalize away what I feel by making me small and insignificant for myself. Not sure if that makes sense in any way. But I'm thinking that maybe if I could find someone to write to, I could start really small. I'm just afraid of it not being big enough of an issue that someone would like to read about it. Sounds stupid now that I write this down, but hey, I've gotta be a little weird, right? :P //yT

Any issue that puts you under stress, worries you, or makes you feel sad or anxious is important, no matter what it's about. Feel free to be honest on this website, we're only here to help as best we can.

Thank you for your words, and the truth.

Now my thread got a little hi-jacked I noticed, which is alright, but I'll see if I can somehow get in touch with someone.

Can I just ask how this site works? I mean do you HAVE to physically talk to someone over the phone? Or is there an option to just write?

You can go onto Chats, choose 1 On 1 and choose a listener. I'm a listener, I'd be happy to chat with you, and there are plenty of other listeners who would love to chat

Hi I need to vent because I feel like my life is slowly fading.. my relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years...I feel like running away but I have two boys and no family around or where to begin for that matter

Why do you feel like running away?

I just don't know what I am doing anymore.... I have deep trust issues with my boyfriend. We've had many fights over the same things and he just doesn't seem to understand or care. He's hurt me so many times my heart literally hurts it hurts. And I don't know why I am still with him... I used to say it was because we where meant to be and he's a good man and he is a great dad to our boys but, he's lied to me disrespected me with his ex's always butting in 3 years ago while I was pregnant. He seemed like this great guy who sort of rescued me I was a single mother of 1 little boy I separated from my first husband now ex husband. My son was 1 1/2 when I met my now boyfriend he was so good with him and still is but he just keeps hurting me talking with other women messaging them and ignoring me. first after i got pregnant with our first baby together...his ex kept texting him, I asked him once if he thought being friends with an ex was ok...he said he didn't believe in that caro. Yet on his sisters wedding day he sent her pictures of his private and she sent him pictures of her privates with toys.....I always get these weird dreams some times he is cheating some times he is leaving me.... he says I'm insecure but he's hurt me so bad I'm scared to trust him because after her there have been others. I found this texts on his phone one morning.. ( I was working as a server 45 mnts away...while pregnant with his son. I woke up having dreamt he was cheating and I just knew I had to make sure, so I checked his cell phone and under an unsaved number where those texts and pictures...and later I found out she used her sons cell to send thise pictures...they hurt me so bad I dont know how I didn't loose the baby. He never once said he was sorry. All he said was it just seemed so easy to me so I did it. I hated him but he was all I had and I had my other son too now my second on the way...so I stayed. Then his "friend" i know because I logged into his fb and while I was home with our new born he would ignore my texts but would be chatting with another girl ( he always calls them his friends but the way he speaks to them its more than that he gets them attached to him with sweet talk) but makes me feel like I'm crazy and I've even thought I was and am. I feel like I'm going crazy!!!!!!!! After his "friend" another ex shows up I realized because since she has his sisters as friends also on facebook SHE BLOCKED ME!! me his wife she blocked me my sister in law posted a photo and I saw there where some comments already on her post but when I opened them I couldnt see the comments so I made another account and went to the post and I saw the name and after I questioned him who she was he said it was an ex he lived with years ago. So I asked him why she blocked me. She doesn't even know me. He said she doesn't want to see you post things on my page. ( he blocked me years ago because I asked him about one of his "friends" it wasn't until last year I logged into his account and unblocked myself and I blocked him.) So how the he'll does his ex block me his girlfriend so she doesn't see me post which I cant because even though I have now unblocked him we aren't friends on Facebook so I cant post on his wall. It pissed me off. I was once again making things something they weren't and I should grow up. Then I saw he accepted her friend request and all she puts up are post for a lost love and an old love she will never forget... its him she is referring to his sister told me how she hasn't forgotten her brother and that she still loves him and is willing to leave her husband and get back with my boyfriend. It hurts to have someone you gave your all to and years of your life constantly hurt you...yet I always run back to him...I've never left him but emotionally I say I'm never going to forgive him and I dont want anything to so with him but I do over and over and its just to the point where I feel like I'm hurting myself begging for his love and affection and he gives me that go the first few days after the fight then I'm the one saying I love you and the one to approach him for good morning hugs or kisses and always text in him...I just I cant take another lie I can't I feel like I'm choking ive had nervous breakdowns before ive gone hysterical and sometimes more so now he wont sleep inb our bed...I just have a guy feeling he's done it again hes hurt me and I just cant bare another indiscretion of his....I just want to smash his windows of his cars and puncture his tires and make him regret hurting me I want him to hurt bad enough so he feels some of the pain I feel ive even thought of crashing and see what he does then when I am no longer there when I'm gone. Will he regret all the pain he is causing. But I have two boys one is almost 6 the other just turned 3. How do I leave my babies alone I cant. I just CANT HURT THEM.so I stay and suck it up but I just feel like I'm on the brink of going crazy like I could cut my wrists and die but I think again what I would be doing to my boys. But I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be hurt constantly by him. Ive cried in silence ive cried myself to sleep last week we had another argument I won't go to him for affection I'm tired of being the one to alwasy seek him for anything but he does it to me instead of just hugging me an telling me he lives and he won't hurt me again and he's sorry he won't say it. He just thinks it will go away after being in bed. That my outbursts will just go away but they won't I have sacrificed my happiness for that of my boys but I don't know how much more I can take I'm going crazy I'm just so lost and hurt....I feel like I'm literally dying in life.

Simply and honestly, I don't believe that people should stay together in a relationship that they're unhappy in for the sake of the children. I know it's easier said than done, but I promise, the children will understand when they're old enough for you to tell them if you so choose to. And your boys would want you to be happy, because your happiness will overflow onto them. If you're unhappy, they will sense it. You're worth much more and so are they. I know it's hard to think about leaving a relationship you've been in for such a long time.. Trust me, I know. But you have to keep reminding yourself that you are doing the best thing for you. There are many different aspects of a relationship, and sometimes it feels as if a person has some areas perfect, but some areas not so perfect. You have to decide if you can/think it's worth it to tolerate the bad just so that you can have the good. It's a personal decision, and a hard one, but that's my take on it. With love, Purpleheart7

@amiablePond2790, that sounds like a difficult position to be in. I don't believe that you should leave a marriage just because you are unhappy, but it sounds like your boyfriend isn't faithful to you. I do believe that abuse or infidelity is a plausable reason to leave a relationship. If you tell your children the whole story when they're older, I'm sure they'll understand. In the long run, it would be harder for your children growing with an unfaithful father than a separated father. I hope you find the strength to do the right thing for you and your children. Love, GoldenGrapefruit.