Having a rough week

So I've had PTSD for the last two years. First year I was basically non-functional but in the last year I've slowly been picking up pieces of my former life. I realized I got better partially by severely restricting my life. I made a pretty big leap by going on a three week academic event in another country. Just started week 2 and I'm having major nightmares, waking up nauseous and crying. Calling my family multiple times a day. Anxiety through the roof and not controlled with 1mg or more Ativan, etc.. My fears and nightmares are not trauma specific but I've analyzed there's a common theme of "never seeing my family again" and "being severely damaged" (dreams of kidnapping, or requiring dialysis, for example). At least, I'm not dreaming directly about the trauma but I'm so disappointed in myself, so scared for my future, and also extremely exhausted and emotional and obviously not in a setting where I can talk face to face with anyone about all this. I'm disappointed in my weakness and disappointed my interest in the event isn't enough to just make it all OK. I thought returning to my former life would help me overcome what I went through but the anxiety and nightmares almost worse not just because I'm in an unfamiliar setting but because now I have something to lose again. If anyone is out there I'd appreciate some encouragement!