Having a rough week
So I've had PTSD for the last two years. First year I was basically non-functional but in the last year I've slowly been picking up pieces of my former life. I realized I got better partially by severely restricting my life. I made a pretty big leap by going on a three week academic event in another country. Just started week 2 and I'm having major nightmares, waking up nauseous and crying. Calling my family multiple times a day. Anxiety through the roof and not controlled with 1mg or more Ativan, etc.. My fears and nightmares are not trauma specific but I've analyzed there's a common theme of "never seeing my family again" and "being severely damaged" (dreams of kidnapping, or requiring dialysis, for example). At least, I'm not dreaming directly about the trauma but I'm so disappointed in myself, so scared for my future, and also extremely exhausted and emotional and obviously not in a setting where I can talk face to face with anyone about all this. I'm disappointed in my weakness and disappointed my interest in the event isn't enough to just make it all OK. I thought returning to my former life would help me overcome what I went through but the anxiety and nightmares almost worse not just because I'm in an unfamiliar setting but because now I have something to lose again. If anyone is out there I'd appreciate some encouragement!
So sorry to hear you're having a rough week @Isthatallthereis. Sounds like you were courageous in stepping out ang going away as you have, But when we are in a different environment and away from loved ones, it can be very testing and quite normal to feel upset as you are describing. So please remember this and try not to be too hard on your self... you have come a long way in 2 years. At the same time the nightmares and the fears will be distressing and I wonder if you have some strategies that help you to cope... now is when you can draw on these. Most of all know you are not alone... we are here... please keep talking with us.
@Isthatallthereis
So glad you are here and sharing what is going on. You must be overwhelmed with everything because you have so much happening right now. Rozie is right though, we're here for you and you can keep posting. You can also reach out to a listener who you might feel comfortabble chatting with.
