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Isthatallthereis
574 M Embraced 4
PathStep 67 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts72 Forum upvotes73 Current upvotes73 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2017 Member sinceMarch 5, 2016
Recent forum posts
I don't feel like doing anything
Anxiety Support / by Isthatallthereis
Last post
 March 17th, 2017
...See more Been doing well for awhile but a few disappointments at work, tons in the news as well as PMS have caused me to just not get out of bed for 3 days, the one time I dragged myself to work late, I basically didn't talk to anyone and vomitted a few times and went home. I can barely write emails "explaining" my absence. I don't feel like eating. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't feel like reading. I don't feel like watching TV. I feel like screaming and crying but I feel completely frozen and unable to actually feel this emotion. If I try to meditate or nap it's just an unending loop of what could be wrong with me, what I could be doing, what I should be doing to fix me, etc. Etc. I know barely leaving my room is slowly driving me crazy. I know I've been here before, but if I try to do anything it's just waves of anxiety and feeling frozen (like when I went to work I knew I immediately knew in the elevator I needed to go home but I just kept thinking strangers would know there was something wrong with me if I turned around and went home).
Don't feel like doing anything
Personality Disorders Support / by Isthatallthereis
Last post
 March 11th, 2017
...See more Been doing well for awhile but a few disappointments at work, tons in the news as well as PMS have caused me to just not get out of bed for 3 days, the one time I dragged myself to work late, I basically didn't talk to anyone and vomitted a few times and went home. I can barely write emails "explaining" my absence. I don't feel like eating. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't feel like reading. I don't feel like watching TV. I feel like screaming and crying but I feel completely frozen and unable to actually feel this emotion. If I try to meditate or nap it's just an unending loop of what could be wrong with me, what I could be doing, what I should be doing to fix me, etc. Etc. I know barely leaving my room is slowly driving me crazy. I know I've been here before, but if I try to do anything it's just waves of anxiety and feeling frozen (like when I went to work I knew I immediately knew in the elevator I needed to go home but I just kept thinking strangers would know there was something wrong with me if I turned around and went home).
Avoidant personality community
Personality Disorders Support / by Isthatallthereis
Last post
 July 14th, 2019
...See more Couldn't we have a community for avoidant personality disorder? Borderline gets all the attention (pun not intended) but I haven't been able to find much resources here or anywhere else for avoidant personality. Not even from my therapist who doesn't like labels but doesn't get I'm not just depressed. I've been like this my whole life and it would be nice to talk with people who understand?
My therapist sucks!
Trauma Support / by Isthatallthereis
Last post
 July 9th, 2016
...See more Disclaimer, I'm Canadian so I get free therapy but it really sucks! I'm supposed to be receiving therapy for PTSD for last two years, but for some reason they keep saying they can't treat it until I'm no longer having triggers. Until then I usually get assigned a social worker (which changes every two months). After two years I finally have a therapist but he explicitly told me he has no experience with PTSD. Today I had a bad migraine and was a mess. But even though I've been followed at same CLSC for two years + because the person I see constantly changes, he zeros in on migraine. Again i have to explain what a migraine is, not a headache, neurological disorder, been treated for it for 7 years, know all the tips, know all the support groups. Try to redirect to emotions a bad migraine can induce, notably: why I'm here. I have trauma and migraine triggers memory of abuse. All I hear from him it's a choice to feel good, choice not to be afraid, choice, choice, choice. I'm crying uncontrollably, trying to express he doesn't get it: since the abuse I'm unable to feel happy, unable to feel hopeful, it's all I can do try and have a tolerable life where I move on without having constant episodes of retreating in uncontrollable fear, that that's why I've been here for two years trying to figure a way out of this. Again choice, choice, choice, here's a headache support group, no follow -up appointment, call me if you feel you have to.
Having a rough week
Trauma Support / by Isthatallthereis
Last post
 July 5th, 2016
...See more So I've had PTSD for the last two years. First year I was basically non-functional but in the last year I've slowly been picking up pieces of my former life. I realized I got better partially by severely restricting my life. I made a pretty big leap by going on a three week academic event in another country. Just started week 2 and I'm having major nightmares, waking up nauseous and crying. Calling my family multiple times a day. Anxiety through the roof and not controlled with 1mg or more Ativan, etc.. My fears and nightmares are not trauma specific but I've analyzed there's a common theme of "never seeing my family again" and "being severely damaged" (dreams of kidnapping, or requiring dialysis, for example). At least, I'm not dreaming directly about the trauma but I'm so disappointed in myself, so scared for my future, and also extremely exhausted and emotional and obviously not in a setting where I can talk face to face with anyone about all this. I'm disappointed in my weakness and disappointed my interest in the event isn't enough to just make it all OK. I thought returning to my former life would help me overcome what I went through but the anxiety and nightmares almost worse not just because I'm in an unfamiliar setting but because now I have something to lose again. If anyone is out there I'd appreciate some encouragement!
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