my attack [trigger warning]
I am really nervous about doing this. I wanted to tell my story and hope i can get some support.
had this neighbor who was great. made cookies and lemonade for the kids. When someone was sick or had a death in the family he was there to provide a meal or send flowers. Always helped out with neighborhood parites or barbecues. If anyone needed anything he was there to help out. Would come over hang out with my day and the family he would sit on porch in the morning having his coffee and reading his paper.
then one day everything changed.
so i am at my bus stop like any other morning. My neighbor is on the porch with his coffee and his paper. We say hi talk about the weather like any other day. This particular day had a gut feeling something was wrong. Didn't know what it was and wasn't sure what it was. My neighbor had come off his porch and crossed the street. He never had done that. didn't phase me. then he grabbed my from behind his arm around my neck. He started to drag me to the woods. I was yelling and screaming. I could see cars going by. No one stopped. he pushed me to the ground. he was hitting me and I was trying to fight him off. the more I fought the worse it was. he was touching my breasts, kissing them, he ripped my sweater. Then he wanted me to undo his belt but I wouldn't he hit me. he undid his belt and his zipper
he took it out. he took my hand and told me to hold it . I had told him no and he hit me. I was afraid of getting hit so i did. he started to move his hand onto my thighs. I had asked him to stop. He said that this is how I like it. To be a good girl and let it happen. I know you want to. Kept saying no. he then put his thing on my breast and was rubbing it on them. Then he tried to put it in my mouth. i was fighting and he pried my mouth open and put it in. he was moving up and down. One hand on my breast. the other rubbing my thigh. then he moved it between my legs and started to rub my private area. I kept trying to fight him off. Then he put his fingers in me. he kept saying that this is how I liked it. he came out of my mouth and then he started to kiss me down in my privates. at this point I had no energy to fight and I was hit so many times and hit hard so many times. then he started to get in me and that is when my teacher came.
he had gone to jail for 15 years. I didn't get the support i needed. had a councilor that i felt I was blamed and judged. My parents didn't want me to pursue it. I did.
Then ran into him 4 weeks ago. So all the emotions came flooding back. I turned to self harm because of the nightmares and flashbacks.
Now trying to deal with it.
