my attack [trigger warning]
I am really nervous about doing this. I wanted to tell my story and hope i can get some support.
had this neighbor who was great. made cookies and lemonade for the kids. When someone was sick or had a death in the family he was there to provide a meal or send flowers. Always helped out with neighborhood parites or barbecues. If anyone needed anything he was there to help out. Would come over hang out with my day and the family he would sit on porch in the morning having his coffee and reading his paper.
then one day everything changed.
so i am at my bus stop like any other morning. My neighbor is on the porch with his coffee and his paper. We say hi talk about the weather like any other day. This particular day had a gut feeling something was wrong. Didn't know what it was and wasn't sure what it was. My neighbor had come off his porch and crossed the street. He never had done that. didn't phase me. then he grabbed my from behind his arm around my neck. He started to drag me to the woods. I was yelling and screaming. I could see cars going by. No one stopped. he pushed me to the ground. he was hitting me and I was trying to fight him off. the more I fought the worse it was. he was touching my breasts, kissing them, he ripped my sweater. Then he wanted me to undo his belt but I wouldn't he hit me. he undid his belt and his zipper
he took it out. he took my hand and told me to hold it . I had told him no and he hit me. I was afraid of getting hit so i did. he started to move his hand onto my thighs. I had asked him to stop. He said that this is how I like it. To be a good girl and let it happen. I know you want to. Kept saying no. he then put his thing on my breast and was rubbing it on them. Then he tried to put it in my mouth. i was fighting and he pried my mouth open and put it in. he was moving up and down. One hand on my breast. the other rubbing my thigh. then he moved it between my legs and started to rub my private area. I kept trying to fight him off. Then he put his fingers in me. he kept saying that this is how I liked it. he came out of my mouth and then he started to kiss me down in my privates. at this point I had no energy to fight and I was hit so many times and hit hard so many times. then he started to get in me and that is when my teacher came.
he had gone to jail for 15 years. I didn't get the support i needed. had a councilor that i felt I was blamed and judged. My parents didn't want me to pursue it. I did.
Then ran into him 4 weeks ago. So all the emotions came flooding back. I turned to self harm because of the nightmares and flashbacks.
Now trying to deal with it.
My mum got into a lot of debt, I mean a lot. She couldn't afford mine or brothers school fees, and what's worse was her income also involved forcing me and him to work sometimes non stop to keep the business running, always being reminded that we were supposedly doing for our own futures. 3 years ago my brother got fed up of waiting for this so called future and left when he first got the opportunity. For the last two years me and him had essentially waited for my opportunity to do the same. Somehow mum convinced the school to let me stay to finish my GCSEs after not knowing if I'd be allowed into the school each morning for weeks. So I stayed until I got my results, found out I got what i needed, but no hope of anywhere to do my a's. My promised future I'd worked so hard for was gone, but work back home never stopped. I managed to get her to release me for a week long squash training camp, essentially to let me beat out my pain that had built over the summer. I got back from the squash and hadn't even said "hi" before I was working to serve people dinner with food my mum simply didn't seem to have, that night I snapped, I dropped everything and stared at her wondering what on earth she had thought when she decided it was right to do this to me. I left, and cycled to the far end of the island and cried into the sea. The next day I inevitably had a massive argument with her where she finally found out how much suffering she had truly put me through, and how badly it had caused me to hate her. And so she suggested I go out and find a job and leave when i had the money to do so. Within the hour and after a few phone calls id walked out the door with as much as I could carry and a little more. You cant believe how much I've still had to leave behind
@fiestysue...that took a lot of courage and strength to put what happened to you here. It's not uncommon to have feelings come back when something happens to trigger you. It must have been quite a shock to see him again? You did nothing wrong. You didn't deserve to have this happen to you. If you need anything, or want to chat feel free to message me.
Please do not hurt yourself. You are not judged here in 7 cups you will be flooded with support here! I don't know you but I love you and I care so much! Please seek VALID help. I cannot give you any advice because I'm not trained to be but I want you to hope and have faith that things will get better <3
thank you for sharing. i know it's not easy to have to revisit these painful memories. but i think you're making the right choice by taking initiative to seek help. Seeing the man recently must have caused you a lot of anxiety and stress. Finding the right therapist, relational support and listeners on 7cupsoftea is definitely a good place to help the healing process.
I have no idea if you could consider this a traumatic experience, but it's something that really bothers me and makes me uncomfortable. I'm sorry if this is just a waste of time, but I need to say something about it.
I wanna say the first time this happened, I was about 12. I was asleep on my bed, and I heard my dad walk into the room. I thought nothing of it, and tried to go back to sleep. I started to drift off when I felt him rest his hand on my stomach. It took me awhile to realize he was trying to see if I was awake by the rate of my breathing. I was scared, so I tried to calm myself down. I had been wearing a loose skirt, and just a bra. After he noticed that my breathing regulared, he slowly lifted my skirt, and I could feel his weight shift on the side of my bed. My skirt was too tight for him to see anything, so he pulled more, and pulled it down. I was so scared, if I moved he might..I didn't even wannaknow what he would do. He then slowly released my skirt back down, and scooted forward, toward my chest. My heart was racing, as he check my breathing again. Eventually I felt him tugging at my bra, and his weight shift as he leaned over and took it in. It was dead silent the whole time. He slowly released it, and walked off.
This happened a second time too. There's no telling how many times he did this while I'm asleep. It scared me and makes me afraid to trust people. I really want to be able to tell someone, like my boyfriend at least, but I'm so scared.
What should I do?