TRIGGER WARNING -RAPE

Hi I would like to share my story as i have never openly said it or discussed it out loud with anyone....not even with my boyfriend of 5 years. He knows i was raped 3 times but i never ever went into details. I was raped at 19. By a friend. I fear that i will be judged as people may say it was my fault but i know its not. I was single and enjoying a night out with my girls. This so called friend was married with 2 kids and i knew his family fairly well. I met him through a mutual friend and we clicked....i thought of him as an older brother. He would always keep me up and drop me off home. I didnt see any signals that would have led me to believe that he had bad intentions. But that one particular night i had asked him if he could drop off my two friends back home and he agreed. It was around 2 am on a saturday night. He came to pick us up from a club but he wasnt alone. He had a friend with him. I didnt think too much of it because i trusted him. He dropped my friends off and we were headimg back towards my house when i realised that we are going a different way. I questioned it and he said that he had to drop his friend off first. I started to feel nervous but i didnt know what to do. We stopped at a dark deserted place. This is when i started panicking and asking questions to which i didnt get a respond. Both of them moved to the back of car where i was seating. They unbuckled my seat belt and dragged me out of car while i was kicking and screaming. I was placed on top of the car bonnet and rhey started forcing themselves onto me. I felt so helpless. I didnt know what else to do apart from fighting and yelling for help and them to stop. I was treated like an animal. And i will never forget the things they were saying as they raped me....very low. I felt so dirty like im worth nothing. They kept taking turns. After they were done they moved me back into care eith a jacket on and one of them sat in the back with me.....to intimidate me. I was in a state of shock so i just sat there with tears rolling down while they laughed and talked as if nothing had happened. They even drove me home. And left me with a message saying they will not hestitate doing this to me again in my own house if word of that night ever got out. I ran into my house and jumped straight into the shower. And i just stood there for a good few hours. Endless day and nights of pain and misery followed. i tried reporting it a week later but was discouraged the way police were handling it by making me feel like im the offender and it was my fault. There are other incidents but i think i will leave it for another night. I cant stop crying now