Sometimes healing is really hard.
I have been part of 7 cups for awhile now, and I am learning how to heal and grow from a childhood of sexual and physical abuse. I have been in counseling for about 18 months, and I am learning to love myself, but I sometimes have trouble. This week is my father and my sister's birthdays and I am having alot of flashbacks and nightmares. My father molested me from the age of four until about 8 and after that he would expose me to pornography and his own body well into my teen years. My sister was very mean and would lose her temper at the smallest thing and would take it out on me, screaming at me and beating me. Most of the time, my coping strategies work, I am able to calm myself down fairily easy, and give myself the love and understanding that others cannot or wont give me. However this week is so difficult. I am remembering things like they just happened, and I am dreaming about bieng chased by my sister or father and bieng blamed, that all the abuse was because I was such a terrible child and I deserved it. I am trying to reach out to this community and others that I trust for help, because honestly, I feel like a small, lost, wreched child that no one cares for or even remembers. Thank you for reading this.