LITERALLY SUFFOCATING FROM HIS SMELL. HELP PLEASE
SHIIIIIIIZ IM SORRY BUT IM SUFFOCATING AND SO TRIGGERED.
IDK BUT THIS MIGHT BE TRIGGERING
So i wont go into too much detail but this person i hate, for reasons, i cant be around him cause i cant handle it. but guess what, yes, i still have to be around him because....
you guessed it(or not) he's a blood-related ace, i have to be around him cause NOBODY knows or will ever. I think i was good at pretending nothing happened cause well, tbh, i mightve forgotten for awhile that it happened(still confused about that) and then it came back to me a few years after when i was in a bad state. ya that didnt help(neither did the fact tht i was still a kid), but thats when the freakin ish decided to resurface and stick around. im not feeling good at all because hes here now and well, when i realized it i didnt know how to act. so i pretended nothing was different. but recently its gotten harder. when we say hi to relatives, especially this one, we give a hug(and a peck on the cheek). Like I said, idk how i dealt with it but now its more triggering cause ive gotten more self-conscious, its been in my head more than id like, and the worst: HE HAS THIS FREAKIN STRONG ACE COLOGNE ON HIM THAT HE HAS TO WEAR EVERY.TIME.HE.COMES. and YES, when we hug, THE ISH STICKS ON ME.I have to sit down afterwards, literally DROWNING IN HIS SMELL. am i overreacting? it reminds me of freaking stuff and i hate it cuz its like hes right next to me the WHOLE.DAM.TIME.even after he leaves!! wth am i supposed to do???? I always have to run to my room after he leaves to change and throw my clothes in the laundry! ive even kept them recently so that whenever he comes, i change into that same stinking(literally) outfit. Idc if its the same but i might want to change into them on different days, my mother will notice and scold me to change.Plus, SO MANY TIMES, he just shows up at our door and nobody but me minds!! What am i supposed to do? it even hangs around the air after he leaves, and i tried using an air freshener but my siblings are always like,"Why do you always use it after he leaves?" since its them, ive joked and said his smell is really strong and it smells like old people(dont ask) lol. and theyre always like what? but they dont question it further. What about when im sitting down? during the visit? what am i supposed to do? i cant even cover my nose with my clothes cause thats now part of the source of the smell. hes nosy and annoying and loud so i cant step out, go to a different room, or even open the window and smell some air. So, please, if anyone has any ideas about what I can do, dont hesitate. I really need suggestions because i cant do this anymore, the smell is getting overwhelming. sorry, thank you for reading
@loyalDrum2337
I'm so sorry sweetie. If there really is no way to avoid him, maybe you could wear a sweater over your clothes so that when you hug him, the smell goes on the sweater, and then you can take it off and it won't be on your clothes anymore. I don't really know what else to say. Maybe you could use a strongly scented hair product or something so that that's more of what you smell? Like, just combat his scent with your own? I wish there was more I could do to help hun 💜
@BeeLeigh Oh my god, thank you so much. I've tried that with a jacket saying I was cold and it helped, thank you for suggesting something even if you don't know, you stopped to say it, thank you so so much. I haven't thought of something like a hair product, I've only used a body spray right after so that they don't say anything when I walk out, like, the smell of perfume is stronger so yea. But that was too weak. So a scented hair product is awesome! I'm actually really happy about this, I'm going to put it on now (he will come in an hour), a cream, for my hair and skin. Thank you thank you thank you sooo much, I was so desperate that didn't even cross my mind, I'm so glad I asked. Just replying is so much to me, THANK YOU
I wish you the best, take care and many hugs <3
(I'm sorry I just replied now, he has been coming everyday to have dinner with us and I've just come to 7 Cups now. Again, thank you. XXX)
@loyalDrum2337
Hey hun, how are you today?
@BeeLeigh Aw Bee, you're amazing <3. You don't have to check on me, you're a member like I am, here to heal. But I'm so grateful, thank you thank you so much. I'm not going on 7 Cups everyday anymore so sorry I'm replying today.
Yesterday and today are ok, but around sunrise I might've been up too long and feeling a little bad. I tried deep-breathing and muscle relaxation, it helped calm me. I just got panicky and went spiraling for no reason but it's alright, I'm feeling way better now. How are you? Whatever you're feeling, you are awesome, thoughtful, and so sweet 
Thank you for being here. I'm really glad I met you. Hope today was a peaceful day for you, take care XXX
THANK YOUUU 
@loyalDrum2337
I think dealing with such a difficult situation like that would be incredibly tough for anyone, to have to face someone that did that to you, and for not havi.g the support from others around you to try and cope with it. To feel like you have to keep it a secret because he is a relative.
No I dont think your overreacting at all. In fact I think you seem to be coping with it remarkbly well, better than most would under those circumstances.
You know you do have a right to say no when he goes to hug you as a greeting. I totally get it if you find it too hard to do so or think maybe it would cause toi much hassle. But no one has the right to touch you if you dont want them to, even relations.
I get why his smell would be so triggering and I cant add much else to the suggestions above, but what you could is put a bit of vicks under your nose. Ive had to deal with situations in the past where the smell was over piwering and ive found it helpful as it can form a barrier, and if anyone asks why you could say you have a blocked nose. Ive also heard pepermint oil can have the same desired effect too.
I hope that helps a bit, sending you my best wishes. 🍀
@indigoBeing9907 Wow.
First of all: thank you for replying. Second: thank you so much for being understanding, and I'm sorry about what happened to you but, you are healing, you are beautiful, and you are stronger. Thank you so much for helping, yourself for being here and me for even clicking on this post.
Well, when you put it all together like that then ya, it is actually pretty hard. Especially with everyone else loving him the most out of all the others when I prefer anyone but him. I honestly don't know how I deal with it or how I will the next time it happens or the time after that. I try to think back at what I did and I never see anything particularly helpful, I just go.
Thank you, I'm glad to hear that. I was starting to worry he'll notice how fast I was pulling away or rushing off. Or that anyone else would think something was weird and ask me why.
Avoiding the greeting is not so easy. Thank you for reminding me; if you don't want someone to touch you no matter who it is you can say no. I know, and I'm a hypocrite for saying that to others so surely, but I can't do it. At least not in this situation; it's father of a parent so an elder. Rude to ignore them even if you dont know them, say hi. He is an elder and that parent gets angry if you get rude with them and so what am I supposed to do? They tell. So maybe I can avoid him as much as I can, at the right time, for the right reasons, causing the least trouble. Using excuses like 'when you came in I was serving and didnt say hi to everyone separately' or something, idk. But Ive tried keeping it to a handshake and that failed, as I was pulled into a hug. The best is to just stay away, at least he doesnt cry when I do and get dramatic or drag it out forever. Still not worth risking it though.But thank you so much for saying that.
God thank you so so much, again another awesome suggestion that never would've crossed my mind, thank you for being thoughtful, you even gave me a reason if someone asked. I will also try peppermint oil, hopefully you don't have to use these this way anymore.
Your post really helped, THANK YOU I hope everything is over for you, and that what is left is only the tangled journey of healing to work through. Much love <3 and many safe hugs. Take care, and stay strong(but not 100% of the time) XXX