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loyalDrum2337
3,233 M Seeking Light
PathStep 48 Compassion hearts137 Forum posts202 Forum upvotes246 Current upvotes246 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2021 Member sinceDecember 5, 2017
Bio
I need help, i cant speak, i cant tell, i cant be. I need help-
Recent forum posts
I need help I need help please save me
General Support / by loyalDrum2337
Last post
 May 10th, 2019
...See more Please I need someone I need someone to tell me what to do I dont know what to do I need help and I cant get it I want to kill myself so bad right now I cant I dont know if Im safe I dont know if Im safe please help me please I dont know what to do I need help so bad right now I cant handle anything anymore I cant keep it to myself yet I cant tell anyone around me I think Im not going to be around for long Im hurting physically so bad my brain is telling me to die every hour of everyday I could handle it before but this past month Ive been sick my mother got more ill my father is angry that Im failing all my classes and I cant concentra or think or be or live or sleep or eat or drink or anything my stomach hurts all day my body tries to reject what I eat every single time please please it hurts please help I cant tell anyone I cant do anything and its eating me alive I thought I would feel a bit better but this time Im not recovering its been a month and Ive only been getting worse someone please Im so tired Im so awfully tired please just tell me what to do before I never wake up again
LITERALLY SUFFOCATING FROM HIS SMELL. HELP PLEASE
Trauma Support / by loyalDrum2337
Last post
 June 6th, 2018
...See more SHIIIIIIIZ IM SORRY BUT IM SUFFOCATING AND SO TRIGGERED. IDK BUT THIS MIGHT BE TRIGGERING So i wont go into too much detail but this person i hate, for reasons, i cant be around him cause i cant handle it. but guess what, yes, i still have to be around him because.... you guessed it(or not) he's a blood-related ace, i have to be around him cause NOBODY knows or will ever. I think i was good at pretending nothing happened cause well, tbh, i mightve forgotten for awhile that it happened(still confused about that) and then it came back to me a few years after when i was in a bad state. ya that didnt help(neither did the fact tht i was still a kid), but thats when the freakin ish decided to resurface and stick around. im not feeling good at all because hes here now and well, when i realized it i didnt know how to act. so i pretended nothing was different. but recently its gotten harder. when we say hi to relatives, especially this one, we give a hug(and a peck on the cheek). Like I said, idk how i dealt with it but now its more triggering cause ive gotten more self-conscious, its been in my head more than id like, and the worst: HE HAS THIS FREAKIN STRONG ACE COLOGNE ON HIM THAT HE HAS TO WEAR EVERY.TIME.HE.COMES. and YES, when we hug, THE ISH STICKS ON ME.I have to sit down afterwards, literally DROWNING IN HIS SMELL. am i overreacting? it reminds me of freaking stuff and i hate it cuz its like hes right next to me the WHOLE.DAM.TIME.even after he leaves!! wth am i supposed to do???? I always have to run to my room after he leaves to change and throw my clothes in the laundry! ive even kept them recently so that whenever he comes, i change into that same stinking(literally) outfit. Idc if its the same but i might want to change into them on different days, my mother will notice and scold me to change.Plus, SO MANY TIMES, he just shows up at our door and nobody but me minds!! What am i supposed to do? it even hangs around the air after he leaves, and i tried using an air freshener but my siblings are always like,"Why do you always use it after he leaves?" since its them, ive joked and said his smell is really strong and it smells like old people(dont ask) lol. and theyre always like what? but they dont question it further. What about when im sitting down? during the visit? what am i supposed to do? i cant even cover my nose with my clothes cause thats now part of the source of the smell. hes nosy and annoying and loud so i cant step out, go to a different room, or even open the window and smell some air. So, please, if anyone has any ideas about what I can do, dont hesitate. I really need suggestions because i cant do this anymore, the smell is getting overwhelming. sorry, thank you for reading
SAD ABOUT MLK OR JUST SAD?
Depression Support / by loyalDrum2337
Last post
 October 1st, 2018
...See more Hello, hope everyone is well. I know yesterday was Martin Luther King day but I'm writing about it today. I've learned who MLK was every year in school as many others have and know about him. I felt so sad as a third grader knowing he got killed when he was such a kind man. Today I read about him again on 7 Cups and then I started crying, like bad. I've been too emotional and stressed because of finals and school and many other things, so I'm not sure about the exact reason I cried. How come this year I grieved like I knew him? I couldn't stop and just kept thinking about all he did, all his marches, his speeches, dreams, everything. And then I thought about how an inspirational human like that was murdered. Then the waterworks got filled again and I had to lock myself in my room for awhile. I really can't stop thinking about it and it's just adding more pressure on my mind and taking away time from my work(which I kill myself for right after). Like I said, I'm not sure why I cried. Am I just realizing what he did and how terribly his life ended, being older, or am I just too sad? Maybe too sensitive? Usually when I'm feeling like this I do tend to cry over anything but it might also be both cause I really wish I'd met him now. Also, two close friends of mine have faced recent deaths of a loved one and I grieved then also for too many reasons. Does anyone have an opinion on this? Is it bad or is it just my personality? Does it have anything to do with depression or stress? Is it weird to cry over someone you never knew and lived a long time ago? All opinions are welcome. Thank you for reading this.
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