Just diary (loneliness, anxiety, friends)
Friday - Dec 31st (comments are always welcome)
Today was okay! I just wonder why most people just shy away from me and don’t find me relatable. Am I really like this scary or unlovable or unrelatable?
Cutting ties with family… heh… I find it almost weird and jealous that some people haven’t done that already. For me there was just no way to connect and be with my Chinese identity and family , I don’t even know how to mend it. I thought I understood it but not I’m having second thoughts
i wish there was just someone that’s also like me and similar like me and just similar in my progress. It doesn’t seem possible rn. I wish they just knew what suffering felt like.
i gues friends don’t always come from first impression and gut instincts. I’ll try to look for webinars and clubs and events that feature or include people with disability or LGBTQ
I wanna make a documentary about my daily life, about this shared sense of loneliness and emptiness. Because I'm sure I'm not the only one that goes thru this. Everyone I see in daily life seems to be craving some sort of connection. But just can't do so for their valid reasons. I wanna put it through words, art, and action to show others. I fear that I'm gonna make this into a perfection. I don't want it to be.
Is this really loneliness/emptiness? Or is it wanting to have quality alone time but just can't because of how much noise there is? I don't know. It seems like it's worse then there's a crowd because there's so much potential to become friends with each and everyone in the crowd, and connecting to them in some ways. But because there's so many options, I just can't. So it is loneliness but exacerbated by too many people. Hmm.
