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SkyblueClementine1798
8,765 M Pacing Forward
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts1,694 Forum posts70 Forum upvotes73 Current upvotes73 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceSeptember 25, 2021
Bio

I love video games. AM neurodivergent, dealing with anxiety and depression and chronic sympathetic activation, and gut issues

Recent forum posts
It’s hard being hyper vigilant
Anxiety Support / by SkyblueClementine1798
Last post
 January 7th, 2023
...See more ps: I didn’t think this was anxiety. But now I do. It’s the anxiety of not having the best medication available Everything is so loud that I can't even think. It's so hard to think. So hard to reach out for support. Too tiring to do so. But if I do take out the phone and reach for support, I literally had so space and energy to do so, because I'd go into sensory meltdown where breathing and thinking and using words would hurt. If I don't take out my phone though, I don't rlly have support from others that they know what I'm going through. What the ***. Then I'm in this idea that I'm always going thru this Allen. It's so hard. I don't even have enough energy to process my emotions or grief in this. Because when things are tough, I try to punch things or sob. Things on my mind: 1. Feeling like talking to someone who I always walk by and have this super awkward interaction but feeling like not having the energy to 2. Attending several workshops and classes and keeping track of everything 3. Have to drink enough water and eat enough nutrients 4. Meditate 5. Exercise 6. Proving my psychiatrist that straterra doesn't help and I still have sensory processing issues and i want anti depressants. But why is there always a part of me that feels like i want things to be better? It's not helping at all! Why!? Is it saying something? Is it trying to say something? It seems like it's always wanting to get the best of the best. I mean *** it's saying that I'm just constantly easily overwhelmed, and it's the pill isn't helping as I expected. Why would I accept a pill that I feel like it only helps a little bit? Actions: drink a lotta water, exercise daily, journal, reach out for help
Autism spectrum disorder community
Disability Support / by SkyblueClementine1798
Last post
 March 7th, 2023
...See more Where’s the autism spectrum community? Why isn’t there one? Can someone make one pls
Just diary (loneliness, anxiety, friends)
Trauma Support / by SkyblueClementine1798
Last post
 January 28th, 2023
...See more Friday - Dec 31st (comments are always welcome) Today was okay! I just wonder why most people just shy away from me and don’t find me relatable. Am I really like this scary or unlovable or unrelatable? Cutting ties with family… heh… I find it almost weird and jealous that some people haven’t done that already. For me there was just no way to connect and be with my Chinese identity and family , I don’t even know how to mend it. I thought I understood it but not I’m having second thoughts i wish there was just someone that’s also like me and similar like me and just similar in my progress. It doesn’t seem possible rn. I wish they just knew what suffering felt like. i gues friends don’t always come from first impression and gut instincts. I’ll try to look for webinars and clubs and events that feature or include people with disability or LGBTQ
Loneliness
Relationship Stress / by SkyblueClementine1798
Last post
 August 6th, 2022
...See more recently I’m feeling really lonely Like every friend (I have a lot more friends to talk to now) and family is going thru a lot and I’m just so afraid that I’m gonna make their conditions worse because I’ve been there having to provide for so many people and never having the space for myself, so much so that everything was just going to fall apart if I’m not doing it perfectly or if I’m not providing enough for others. That state is so painful and I don’t want to contribute to other peoples pain and don’t want them to go through that.. ugh… having to go thru intense pain is double bad because you have fear that they’re gonna go thru the same thing as you did if you asked for help, but you suffer more when you reach out (hold up I realized that there’s a passion in me to offer others compassion, it’s very fulfilling I guess) And it feels like at the end of the day it doesn’t really fill up this empty hole inside my heart figuratively. Like I’ll never be able to have someone else’s love Now that I really to you I feel like my emptiness isn’t going to kill me but now I feel like my loneliness isn’t valid. Suddenly it doesn’t feel that intense but it feels really invalid, I guess this is one of the reasons why I didn’t want to reach out. It decreases this feeling that my loneliness is valid And another reason why is because it’s hard to receive a reply that I want, so if I reach out it kinda hurts both parties And maybe loneliness is so comforting at the same time, cuz that’s when I really get clarity and less thoughts and get to journal a lot more… but it’s so painful and sad when I do that though I guess another reason I’m feeling lonely is.. Like I’ll never be able to meet someone else that went thru so much pain and had the resilience of getting thru it, while wanting to give so much compassion because they know what it feels like. And it’s painful and difficult to find someone that went thru so much but is still standing, functioning well like I am, and trying to improve. And that it’s also a cisgender gay male.
Resources
Trauma Support / by SkyblueClementine1798
Last post
 January 7th, 2022
...See more Hi community, do you know any virtual support groups specifically for trauma or childhood trauma? Or anxiety/depression in general?
Hello
Eating Disorder Support / by SkyblueClementine1798
Last post
 October 18th, 2021
...See more Hi everyone! I’m17 years old and today I had a binge eating session, and had about 6 binge eating sessions in the past week. I’m kind of new to binge eating but I’ve been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder last year. I’ve always had pleasure to food but after losing my sense of smel last year I lost a lot of my appetite so i guess the war with food started when I got anosmia (lost sense of smell). I always thought that eating was something to be enjoyed. That I can eat until I’m full. And I’ve always stopped when I was full. But for some reason right now I have the tendency to eat more even after I’m full so I’m concerned what will happen to me if I kee continuing this way. I’m into building healthy habits with food and want to eat healthy. But outside of this binge eating thing, I’m passionate about mental health and mindfulness, and plan to pursue a career in it. it was today that I realized that this is something to be taken seriously so I called my NYC state and I kept searching up apps and websites for support (hopefully will help some of you here!). after reading some threads here,I felt a sense of compassion and a sense of shared human connection. I never thought that there could be a platform for people to support and share their thoughts and I feel in awe that these services exist. I always thought that I was alone, because I really does seem like this way, right? You don’t go out to the subway and see people binge eating because people here are either homeless or burnt out from work or school. I barely see anyone suffering from eating, but after reading some of the threads here, I felt connected, I felt for once, that actually, so many other people are having the same issue. (Also why can’t I reply to threads?! It says I don’t have the permission >:( I feel angry because there are people I want to offer support but I’m blocked by it). I also want to seek help for binge eating because I’m still a student and doing college applications and everything is like a tight deadline. but I want to share some resources: http://intuitiveeatingcommunity.org/ (<- there’s a community based on “intuitive eating”) https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/ (<- another resource) https://www.alsana.com/programs/online-support-group/ (<- free live support group hosted by a therapist on fridays ) https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ http://www.intuitiveeating.org/10-principles-of-intuitive-eating/ (<- something called “intuitive eating”) Personal tips from me: Tip #1: you can do this. You’re stronger than you think. Even though it doesn’t seem like you don’t have any power right now, you will overcome your struggle. Tip #2: sometimes, trying too hard gets you to the opposite direction. Try to be like a feather, sometimes you try too hard to snatch a feather that’s falling down, it actually gets further away from you. Why not try being like a feather? It doesn’t try to get anywhere, but yet it doesn’t suffer from anything.
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