I don't know how to cope
Me and my boyfriend will reach 8 months together next week Wednesday. I love him so much, but before we started dating I had a penpal with who I fell in love with. I stopped talking to the penpal - let's call him Freddie - after a huge fight. However lately I've been thinking about him a lot, about all our conversations and stuff. My boyfriend and I have also been fighting a lot recently. I'm facing a lot of stress at school, since this is my final year and the government is killing us with impossible projects. My marks aren't what they should be and I have no idea how to cope anymore. My depression is slowly returning, as well as my crippling anxiety and insecurities and need to self-harm..
I've been through a lot. I suffer from PTSD - my boyfriend (and a few 'friends') have molested me in my sleep. My home situation hasn't been to great, either: My parents are split up and have been in the process of divorcing for the last 6 years. I self harm a lot, and lately I've started smoking. It's so bad but every day I'm trying to improve myself. That is a start, right?