I don't know how to cope
Me and my boyfriend will reach 8 months together next week Wednesday. I love him so much, but before we started dating I had a penpal with who I fell in love with. I stopped talking to the penpal - let's call him Freddie - after a huge fight. However lately I've been thinking about him a lot, about all our conversations and stuff. My boyfriend and I have also been fighting a lot recently. I'm facing a lot of stress at school, since this is my final year and the government is killing us with impossible projects. My marks aren't what they should be and I have no idea how to cope anymore. My depression is slowly returning, as well as my crippling anxiety and insecurities and need to self-harm..
I've been through a lot. I suffer from PTSD - my boyfriend (and a few 'friends') have molested me in my sleep. My home situation hasn't been to great, either: My parents are split up and have been in the process of divorcing for the last 6 years. I self harm a lot, and lately I've started smoking. It's so bad but every day I'm trying to improve myself. That is a start, right?
Try to take things easy. Maybe this penpal needs some time to calm down. If you love your boyfriend, try not to let any fights come between you. I'm sure that everything will work out in the end. Have you tried relaxation techniques? I usually write stuff down, listen to music, talk to my friends or read. It may help you too.
As for smoking - I'm not going to preach to you about it, but try not to get addicted. It is extremely bad for your health, and I can't see how it will help your situation at all. Just a suggestion.
Good luck, though. Please don't resort to harming yourself! Think about the people around you, as well as yourself
