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I Am Not Weak

User Profile: humorousBeing8966
humorousBeing8966 August 17th, 2018

I am not weak. I am strong. I can rise above. I can solve and do everything.

I am powerless. I am defenseless. I can't do anything. I am nothing.

What is the reality. What is my reality?

Was this always there . Why does it keep fluctuating . What's my purpose here

W.W

Do I need a lot more help? Do I need to be fixed? Am I broken?

I am fine, I don't have problems. do I angry

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User Profile: humorousBeing8966
humorousBeing8966 OP October 13th, 2018

"When you name the demons in your life -- then you can eradicate them. But before you name them -- they can haunt you forever." --

"..But when you don't know how to name something, then you blame everything on you."

1 reply
User Profile: Anomalia
Anomalia October 16th, 2018

@humorousBeing8966 - I think those are really powerful quotes - I hadn't thought about it that way before, but I think it's very true. We internalize and blame ourselves for things that we can't understand or don't have another name/explanation for, but that's not always fair to us to take on.

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User Profile: humorousBeing8966
humorousBeing8966 OP October 13th, 2018

For many, time travelling is just a myth

For me it is very real.

Every time I wake up I'm back there

Seeing, hearing, feeling, smellling, sometimes even tasting.

I know what I need to do

What is required of me.

But every time I'm brought back,

There's nothing as effective as

Piercing the skin.

Letting the maroon run out.

For a small cost each time,

I'm able to travel back to the present.

A small price to pay

For the opportunity to keep going.

2 replies
User Profile: Anomalia
Anomalia October 16th, 2018

@humorousBeing8966 - You are such a great writer and I think you set a scene so clearly that many can relate to. When you do feel right back there, what helps you to ground to remember that you're not there anymore?

1 reply
User Profile: humorousBeing8966
humorousBeing8966 OP October 22nd, 2018

@Anomalia

I guess I have to open my eyes and look around...or distract myself in videos...or take deep breathes...or smell something different and strong? Maybe new and different people or a new scenery... it comes and goes...

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User Profile: humorousBeing8966
humorousBeing8966 OP October 13th, 2018

Pretending like the low moods, the ending it all thoughts, the not wanting to do anything are separate from me so I can keep shutting it up and get going...but we all know the backfired and that's why they took me away to the hospital involuntarily. I don't know how else to deal with them.

1 reply
User Profile: Anomalia
Anomalia October 16th, 2018

@humorousBeing8966 - Do you feel like there's anyone you can talk about those moods and thoughts with rather than pretending they aren't there?

2 replies
User Profile: humorousBeing8966
humorousBeing8966 OP October 22nd, 2018

@Anomalia

Right now I can only take honestly and fully with my therapist :( but soon it'll all go away...I hope

1 reply
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User Profile: slophcow47
slophcow47 November 13th, 2018

@humorousBeing8966 I can relate 💓✨

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User Profile: Anomalia
Anomalia November 13th, 2018

@humorousBeing8966 - Hi there, it's been a little while and I just wanted to check in on how you're doing. Hope you're doing well!