"Home sweet home... careful, it may be a trap!!!"

Hi ppl!!!

Im pretty nervous about what to post… but there is no-one I could talk to to get it off my chest… and everything seems such a struggle to me… So... here I go!!!

This is the first time Im going to share intimate, personal details about my life, or rather about the day-to-day difficulties and issues I must grapple with… But maybe if Im able to vent out my raw emotions here, Ill feel better (cause now there is a risk that Ill self-harm or take drugs* cause theres no fight left in me… [*Im receiving help with my alcohol and drug addictions… I quit drinking alcohol two years ago but Im still struggling to keep drug-free…].

Im being repeatedly maltreated, threatened with violence and abused [sexual assault] (by some people) since I was a child… but I didnt realize what was happening to me until I grew up (but something inside me was already damaged for life) … As time was going by, I gradually became more aware of what was going on…

In fact, I found out these people are involved in some rather shady business and they want me to take part in it. I refused their request … but you cant refuse them anything… From there the situation deteriorated rapidly… On occasions Ive been placed in situations I would consider dangerous… and the horror of these scenes goes beyond anything one could imagine…

So many negative emotions are consuming me… In fact, Im being consumed by feelings of complete hopelessness and aloneness…and sometimes Im overcome with guilty feelings too… Once, I felt so desperate that I even contemplated suicide…

Im going through hard times and living on a day-to-day basis, unsure of what the future ( ?) will bring… I give up hope… Im in low spirits… Thats why Im calling for help…