Entries from this Broken Mind
Hello,
I'm Rynn.
I'm a disabled, 23 year old, university student whom is also a Digital Volunteer.
This is going to be my blog or diary (if you like) about my experiences over the next year or so..
I'm not going to talk about my disabilities in this blog, instead I'm going to talk about my mental state.
Throughout my school years from the ages of 5 til 18, I was violently assaulted every day by my peers. I was attacked, and violated, and made to crawl up in a ball, as I waited for each blow to come as I was surrounded in the school grounds or on my journey home.
I was humiliated, damaged, and ultimately.. broken.
To this day I suffer from the memories of what they inflicted upon me. The physical; broken bones, scars, and bruises that have never faded or healed. But also, the mental; seeing my tormentors faces in the street, waking up in cold sweats and shaking from nightmares that never end, and the long-lasting effect of never being able to truly trust a human being.
I've been out of school for 6 years now, they would have forgotten me.. but my mind won't ever let me forget them..
@Rynn
I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you Rynn. Can't imagine what it must have been like to have gone through bullying for as long as you did. You deserve to be surrounded by better people in your life and I hope that that the future brings much better experiences for you. I know it won't be easy, but I wish you all the best in your recovery.
You can do it :)
I really feel for you Rynn.
You deserve to be surrounded by people who bring you up, not rip you down. It is not your fault that you were bullied, I too was physically bullied when I was younger. Some people are just cruel.
I look forward to seeing your entries over the next year!
All the best.
Tonight I'm lying in bed trying not to cry out from the nightmare I've just experienced. It's 1:53am, I've been trying to sleep since 10pm and everytime I fall asleep, I feel them.. every kick, every punch ever thrown. It knocks me sideways, and makes me gasp for breath. I'm drowning, in a sea of phantom pain. Pain from a broken past. Pain that cannot be erased.
It's nights like this where I feel angry. Angry at myself for not moving on, getting past this and putting it to rest. Angry at them for forgetting I'm a human being like them. Angry at the world for instead of protecting me, it's swallowed me up whole. I'm angry and I can't stop.
Its raining outside, the raindrops must be hitting my window pretty hard by now. I don't hear them anymore but I know that they are there. Even the rain gets angry, it thrashes down and washes away the filth from each day. I've always loved the rain, it made me feel new again. It gave me hope.
@Rynn
Admittedly, maybe I'm not the best person to ask about dealing with nightmares, but theres one thing I do know. As people, our experiences both good and bad contribute to the kinds of people we ultimately become. Youve made it through an immensely difficult experience, one which Im truly sorry happened to you, which never should have and one which you didnt deserve. But theres no doubt in my mind that today you are a stronger person because of it. You are the person you are today not just in spite of the events that occurred in the past, but because of them. And even a blind man would be able to see that that person ended up being someone amazing :).
That is true strength. So try not to be too angry or too hard on yourself 
and appreciate who you are and what youve overcome, just like I hope everyone else you come across in the present and future does.
By recognizing this, we can use past experiences to drive us, promote acceptance and in time, ultimately forgive those that have done harm - for you as much as it is for them. Also, know that no matter what challenges life throws at you in the future, you will be able to make it through, because youve made it through this. It wont be easy, and there will be moments of weakness, but if theres anyone that can put an experience like this in the past. Its someone like you.
And yes, rain is the best kind of weather
Your friend always
Seal
@Rynn
@SwimmingSeal
Sorry If my previous post sounded a little weird, but I was basically trying to say that it can be a good idea to try use what happened to fuel you instead of haunt you.
I really do hope you are able to make it over everything and hope you the best of luck in healing 
@Rynn
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to give advice. I really meant well, but made a mistake and apologise. I'll make sure not to repeat my error. Sincerest apologies once again.
@SwimmingSeal
Why are you apologising? Your advice was fine and really helpful.
You're a silly seal 😊 tee-hee.
@Rynn
Yay *hug*. Hey wait, I just realised it's your diary. I'm not supposed to have more posts D: Kay then, enough swooning from me for now. Ttyl lady!
Sorry that happened to you. It wasnt your fault. @Rynn