Creative Writing and Journal

@WriteToHeal42 offering hugs <3

The day is a blur, sensed cold outdoors and warm indoors, tasted chocolate, took meds.

It's so fuzzy and I'm not sure why. What was the trigger(s) today?

I guess we rested, and maybe that is enough.

(Side note: pine needles scent is grounding)

It's cold and dark. I want to exist, but I don't know how. It's hard to tell nightmares from being awake this time of year.

I'm scared of waking up. What if I realize that you are gone? I don't want you to be gone.

Dreamscapes are easier to travel than reality. This thick fog obscures the scariest nightmares. Can I sleep in a little? And dream that you are with me?

Some day we will wake up to sunshine again.

Could use a hug - talked today about why I feel nervous about a male relative being near little girls

- A.

Empty moments leave me wondering what full means.

Uncovered a possibility old memory which has opened the flood gates the past couple of days, but I reached out to my support system and was met with compassion. They felt angry on my behalf for the stuff I solidly recalled and other stuff, which felt nice? Like maybe what was done to me wasn't my fault and I'm not wrong for to thinking it was traumatic (objectively it was traumatic, but my emotional side worried we were making a mountain out of a mole hill)

I'm scared about the future actions that may take place as a result of me telling, but I believe I'd have backup if things go south. If anyone reading this is a praying type, please pray.

Therapy went well today! Took a while before I could feel, but I eventually figured it out. This is with the new therapist, second meeting. I feel relieved because I was able to connect with my emotions a bit.

A part of me misses my old therapist, I had three years of therapy with her.

Scared. Feeling lost. Unprotected. She didn't protect me. Now I don't know if I can protect them, but I can only try my best.

^{Another night of being up all night and now feeling physically ill}

Really feeling low and little motivation today. Partly due to meds and life circumstances. It feels like mint chocolate is the only good thing in life.