Victim of verbal abuse
It's something I live with. I know I'll never most past it. In high school, I had a group of so-called friends who turned on me, persecuted, and ostracized me. Every day when I went to school, the person I trusted the most made this move. It affected me in way people do not fully understand or care to understand.
It was during this time that I was developing schizophrenia as well. So, on top of having a bunch of new scary things happening to me, I had to deal with bullying as well. It may not seem like a big deal, but I think each situation fed off one another.
It didn't help that this same group of people tracked me down in my early 20s and got in my face and started a fight. I think about to this day, and when I do, I get violently angry, because I did nothing when it happened. I tried to get therapy for this, but nothing helps. I keep replaying and reliving what happened in high school over and over.
When I am outside, I am hyper-vigilant. I can't focus on anything except for what people might say about me. I lash out because I don't want to be put back in that situation again. I don't want to feel helpless....like everyone either verbally hitting me or is egging strangers on to do the same.
I developed anger issues because of this, and all I want is retribution at any cost. I know I would have had schizophrenia anyway, but I 100% blame them, rightfully, for my violence tendencies and PTSD. I hate those people for what they did to me, and it pisses me off they get to lead normal lives and crapping on mine. It's not right, but I wish they could taste some of the medicine they dished out to me. I'm sorry if this is against policy, but I needed to get this out.
@michaelR860
Hello, I am so sorry that you had to experience bullying in your younger days, and then to have still been subjected to this same abuse later in your life was really unfair and uncalled for. I can understand why you feel that rage or anger toward them. I am sure that this contributed to the PTSD. I know it must be extremely hard to trust people again. Our brain really holds on to those bad experiences. I understand how it makes you want to get revenge, and I totally get that. However, I hope that you will be able to eventually let go of the anger, as it really can hold us as hostages. Do you have a Therapist who can help you to process this anger? I, too, can really resonate with your anger because I was captured in that cycle, and it was hard as heck to finally let it go for my own well-being and their safety. Keep talking and getting it off of your chest, which will eventually help you. It is not a quick fix but a durable one with time and support.
I believe that you have the strength to process this trauma. I am in no way making light of your experience because it is a big deal, and it wounded you. The ones that did this to you will not escape; Karma has a way of finding us and paying us back for the things we do. They will get their just rewards for what they have done to you.❤️I feel your pain. We are here for you any time you want to talk. We here at 7cups will respond.
I hope that the New Year brings you much happiness and Peace😊
@WorkingitThrough2 Thank you so much, I just want someone to understand. I had a therapist and I talked about this with her, and I am working on getting over it. I appreciate your understanding and not shooting me down.
@michaelR860
Always here for you😊❤️