Victim of verbal abuse
It's something I live with. I know I'll never most past it. In high school, I had a group of so-called friends who turned on me, persecuted, and ostracized me. Every day when I went to school, the person I trusted the most made this move. It affected me in way people do not fully understand or care to understand.
It was during this time that I was developing schizophrenia as well. So, on top of having a bunch of new scary things happening to me, I had to deal with bullying as well. It may not seem like a big deal, but I think each situation fed off one another.
It didn't help that this same group of people tracked me down in my early 20s and got in my face and started a fight. I think about to this day, and when I do, I get violently angry, because I did nothing when it happened. I tried to get therapy for this, but nothing helps. I keep replaying and reliving what happened in high school over and over.
When I am outside, I am hyper-vigilant. I can't focus on anything except for what people might say about me. I lash out because I don't want to be put back in that situation again. I don't want to feel helpless....like everyone either verbally hitting me or is egging strangers on to do the same.
I developed anger issues because of this, and all I want is retribution at any cost. I know I would have had schizophrenia anyway, but I 100% blame them, rightfully, for my violence tendencies and PTSD. I hate those people for what they did to me, and it pisses me off they get to lead normal lives and crapping on mine. It's not right, but I wish they could taste some of the medicine they dished out to me. I'm sorry if this is against policy, but I needed to get this out.
