Texting boundary triggers
Hi,
I have been struggling with using online dating sites where some people expect to text very frequently and quickly or will lose interest or think you are not interested. I am in graduate school full time, plus have depression and very severe insomnia and tbh am hanging on by thread mentally, have felt very lightheaded sometimes due to lack of sleep, so the idea of somebody being mad I am not texting every single day is so triggering. I really rely on my alone time and usually sleep like 14 hours on Saturdays. I also grew up with very emotionally abusive family especially emotionally abusive mother who did not respect boundaries (a lot of screaming, coming into room without knocking and yelling at me, if I didn't want to go to a party would throw a tantrum until I agreed to go etc) so I have a hard time with setting boundaries because I am afraid I will be yelled at and won't be safe.
I've been trying to advocate for myself, say that I prefer to meet in person or phone over texting or to limit to quick check in every few days only. The person I have been talking to actually respected hearing that, which made me feel better. However, I am getting more triggered reading stuff online seeing so many people online say things like "it only takes 10 seconds to respond" etc and I start to feel invalidated and ruminate and talk to myself to try to remind myself why my feelings and boundaries are valid but it's just really triggering me a lot and makes it hard to date when people show this behavior.
For the love of God don't reply with advice, just want reassurance/validation. Please respect that thank you.
@Daydreamer47
Hey, I just want to say that everything you're feeling is completely valid. It makes so much sense that constant texting would feel overwhelming when you're juggling grad school, depression, and severe insomnia. You're not wrong for needing space, and you're not wrong for feeling triggered when people dismiss that.
It’s really powerful that you’re recognizing your own needs and advocating for them, even when it's hard. That takes so much strength, especially given your past experiences. Boundaries are not just okay they are necessary. You deserve to have people in your life who respect them, and I’m so glad to hear that at least one person did. That’s proof that there *are* people who will meet you where you are.
And I know it’s tough seeing all those "it only takes 10 seconds" comments, but the truth is, not everyone functions the same way. Your needs aren’t "wrong" just because they don’t fit into what some people expect. You are allowed to take care of yourself first. The right people will understand that, and anyone who doesn’t isn’t meant for you.
You’re doing the best you can in incredibly difficult circumstances. I see your strength, and I hope you can give yourself grace. You're not alone in this.
@16peacefulBraveheart01 Thank you so much for such a kind and validating response. I appreciate you! <3
@Daydreamer47
Hey, I just wanted to say for starters how much I appreciate your vulnerability and sharing your story. As a society that puts so much emphasis on online interactions it can be extremely difficult to feel like that is something we do not want. It is also very normal to feel overhwlemed by statements made on social media that we do not agree with or value in our own lives. Every person needs their space and you are not wrong for feeling triggered when someone does not respect your boundaries.
It is so important to understand and reflect upon what you do and do not want especially in relationships. Knowing how you want to go about things is so crucial in order to make sure you end up in the right situation. Every person is different and you do not need to abide by what someone on social media is telling you to do.
