Someone else’s trauma
So mine is a weird one but I want to ask if anyone else is dealing with this. Earlier this year my daughter was sick, took her to the hospital and she needed surgery. Long story short hospital did wrong and nearly killed her, put her in ICU and in hospital for 6 weeks
there was an investigation and found that people where at fault who did wrong, well that come on Wednesday and it was just too much, reading about the nurses lying to my face, and did nothing with the information I gave them, which meant her bowel exploded.
so I tried to off myself on Wednesday, that’s not what I want to know if people have help with, from that I have been sectioned at home. Sound this isn’t my trauma it’s my daughters but it has broken me in ways I never thought possible and am doing everything right to get over it but it’s not working.
how do you manage in your head the trauma and your emotions coz I can’t have both in my head
@independentPear1161. We place trust in others around us based on the labels they come with and the hats they wear. Sometimes that trust gets broken and we find ourselves on the receiving end of someone else’s ignorance and incompetence. All too often there are structural components to these situations that seem insane - leaving us with a disbelief about how anything gets done by anyone to any degree of competency.
More and more we seem to live in an uninterested, distracted world of zombie hoards who seem to perpetuate an abysmal stereotypical character representing the worst of us. When the expression of this incompetence affects a child the effect becomes magnified. I’d like to say that this is by far the exception to the rule but, as you may be aware it is often more common than that.
I really have no advice to share other than I hear what you experienced and I am sorry.
Just reading that has helped, so by you writing it, you have helped. Thank you
@independentPear1161
It is both your traumas .... your daughters of course but you as a parent experienced the worst in knowing that your child was hurt/ injured and traumatized by people that you trusted to listen to you and do their jobs correctly.
Even though you had no control over ... you may feel responsible deep down like IF ONLY you could have or should have seen potential incompetence and stopped it..... we may look back and think if only this or that ....
My child had a medical event that almost went terribly wrong ......not by incompetence but instead assumption because this item presented in a different way then they assumed. I can relate and even though the close call was my daughters it was mine as well in that changed my perspective on medical and being less trust just because of a profession or title.
Thank you, and sorry you had to experience it as well.
I understand. I lost my baby due to hospital error. My whole pregnancy I was told she had water on her brain. Thag she would require a stint when born. Told she wasn't gonna be able.to breath on her own when born. She would be paralyzed and mentally handicap. All the while her father kept saying over and over, baby there's nothing wrong with our little girl. She's fine. The doctors are wrong. They don't even know how far along we are. Your a month further then what they are saying. I ignored him . I said I'm pretty sure all these doctors at Rileys children's hospital know what they are talking about. I go to an appointment and schedule my c-section. I go into full blown labor the next morning. Water fully ruptured at home made it to a hospital within 20 min. 9 1/2 cm dilated. Contractions less then two min apart. They had me start pushing. Then gave me magnesium to stop my contractions.next day send me to a hospital that was closer to Riley. They told me I could have her upon arriving at the second hospital. But they wouldn't let me. They doc kept saying the baby wouldn't be strong enough. They wanted to pump me full of steroids and all kinds of other crap first. Even though we told them my water fully ruptured at home the day before. We kept asking if it was safe. We were reassured it was. For four days. Next thing I know I'm being rushed into emergency c section. They lost her heart beat. They had to pull her out my birth canal. Sje came out kicking. Screaming. She was a month further along then what they thought. There wasn't any signs of water on the brain. My daughter was perfect. She didn't have any of the things they said she would. She died in my arms 25 hours later. Meningitis and E. COLI. From being inside of me for 5 days total without the protection of the water. My daughter died from an infection because the second hospital wouldn't let me have her. They stopped my labor an additional 4 times in the span of four days. She tried to come. They wouldn't let her. Now she's gone...
Omg am so sorry each of you have been through horrific events as well. How did you move forward? I just cant see the end of being broken. The worst was realizing I was right
does anyone have any tips? Books? Apps? Resources?
Its been 5 years. Monday made 5 year since i lost my son . My daughter died april 1 2018 then my son pctober 30 2018. Ive never really moved forward. I did in a sense. I have another child shes 4. She came after the deaths of my first two. But j never really moved forward. My mindset is still stuck in the day my first died. I never really accepted it . I thjnk it is because of how i lost ny babues. They should of never died . And i think thats why i cant let go. I cant move fkrward. I feel like no justice was ever done jn their names. I feel like no one ever took responsibility for her death. I spent an additional 5 more days in the hospital after my daughter died. The hardest part was having to go home to an empty crib. And then having her funeral. Devastating. And no one had to pay for her death. I think thats why j csnt move forward. I feel like someone should have to pay .i feel like someone should have to understand that they made a mistake. And no one did . I went home completely broken. I went home to an empty cold house. I feel like im the only one who paid. And i shouldnt of been
And as for resources, theres two communities i have come to love besides 7cups. One is Circles. And is Sharewell. Sharewell is more for peopke who have lost babies. Circles covers alot of topics but their grief groups are amazing. Very supportive
i'm so sorry. Love and healing (in time) to you all. Strength and peace for when you need it most and can't empower yourself :/ :)
All the love in the world.
my heart really sincerely goes out to each one of you and cries with you in your pain.