My first post

I am now 57 and just finally within the midst of dealing with my narcissistic mother, in which I was the chosen scapegoat. At 3 years old I already knew that I was worthless and untrustworthy,, she was detached, insensitive and outside she was a star mom but inside I was already frozen and fawning to her moods. To add the complexity and severity I was sexually abused at age 6 through 11 by my older brother. My dad was great but traveled extensively and also was caught up in her moods.

i was also very sensitive and ended up being diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 26. Bipolar puts a horrible twist in trauma work because of the severity of the emotional distress in dealing with it, even if your medically stable on medication. Today I have a therapist that I don’t actually like very much because I don’t understand his philosophy of trauma work and he didn’t even know what an emotional flashback was until I mentioned mine that were terrible and persistent. I have asked him for more support for others working and he knows of no programs to help and at Xmas through after new years he took off 2 weeks and has no back up or availability.

i saw my psychiatrist just last week and she new of a PHP trauma program to try. They called me yesterday and said that I was in the program as of next week. I hope to god, who’s been pretty absent but I am hopeful that there is something.