Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How Does One Recognize Trauma?

Celc July 17th, 2023

As of right now, I feel like ***. I feel alone, stupid, and as if though no one is truly there in my corner, because I'm forever alone. I've been dealing with this for quite some time. To jump into it, my mother has given me "whippings" in the past, of which I have retained several painful memories from. This also includes a memory where I was quite little, around 4, or 5, where I was in trouble. I was crying in my room, as my mother had threatened me with a "whipping", though she had yet to do so, as she was on the phone. I went into the living room, where she was, and I cried and begged her to not whip me. I remember that after doing so, she laughed. While this was many years ago, it's still stuck with me into my adolescence, 10 years later. Though she no longer does "whip" me, she does, in fact, do so to my brother, and, as a result, I'm quite often used to the way his screams sound, as well as her yelling. It's haunted me for a while now. I have also similarly been haunted by a more recent incident, where I was forced to out myself to my father as asexual. Though me outing myself was more recent, there were many confrontations that came before me outing myself, as my father was prone to looking through my phone without consent. In it, all he found were things relating to the LGBT community, of which he used, as well as past confrontations, as evidence of me essentially "lying" to him by coming out and saying as to how I identify, though he had made it clear numerous times that those within the LGBT community were "not normal", "mentally ill", and so on. Funnily enough, after coming out, when I asked him as to whether, or not he thought I was "normal", he couldn't answer. In other news, as of early 2021, my parents are no longer together, which has taken quite a toll upon our family. My parents both gained new partners, and had a mutual understanding to meet the other's significant other, before introducing them to us. This was disregarded, however, in favor of my mother introducing us to her new boyfriend. My father had warned my brother and I of this before, as he and my mother had gotten into a fight that prompted this entire incident. He told me that I, the oldest, would need to call him, in case we ever met her new boyfriend. Granted, that's what I did. As a result, my father showed up, and though he didn't meet her new boyfriend, my mother was quite furious with him and asked him why he was there. He ignored her, and asked if my brother and I were all right, to which we were. After he left, my mother confronted me in the car, confiscated my phone, and ultimately said that I had "ruined the evening". At the time, she didn't apologize. While she did the next day, with a half-*** apology, it took for my father and brother to pressure her to give another one, one that was also half-assed given the pressure, but more genuine than the first. My brother did confront her more head-on though, after the encounter, which earned him another "whipping", in the name of "disrespect", though he was only advocating for her to truly apologize to me. All in all, I've realized that I've come to struggle with how to face tings and recognize them for what they are. While there is much more that's happened, and also impacted the way I've come to face things, this is ultimately the gist of it. I'd like to truly know and recognize, as while I don't truly like, nor despise myself, I would like to be informed, and be able to truly recognize trauma for what it is. in its truest form. These experiences have led me to loathe myself, not truly realize what's happening around me, left me to have flashbacks of what's happened, and question the morality of the people who raised me. I would just truly like to know. Am I a victim? Am I important? Do I matter? The world around me is in shambles and I have no idea how the *** I'm supposed to feel, or what the *** I'm supposed to do. All I ask is for peace. For peace of mind and to be at peace for whatever the *** is happening around me.

4
RobertBarryAnderson7 July 19th, 2023

@Celc

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been through such difficult experiences. It's clear that you've endured a lot, and it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed, confused, and even haunted by past trauma. Remember, you are not alone in this, and I'm here to support you on your healing journey.

First and foremost, recognize that you are not to blame for the actions of others. It's not your fault that you've faced these challenges, and you are not defined by your past experiences. You are important, and your feelings and experiences matter.

Consider seeking support from friends or family members whom you trust. Talking to someone you feel comfortable with can help ease the burden and remind you that you are not alone.

Practice self-compassion and be patient with yourself. Healing takes time, and it's okay to take things one step at a time. Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions without judgment.

Remember that the world around you may seem chaotic, but you can find moments of peace and clarity within yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and fulfillment. Focus on self-care, and know that I'm here to listen and support you.

You matter, and your healing journey is important. Don't hesitate to reach out to me or someone else you trust for support. With time, effort, and support, you can work through these challenges and find peace within yourself.

1 reply
WorkingitThrough2 July 24th, 2023

@RobertBarryAnderson7

That was very well said great response

load more
Gilbird July 24th, 2023

@Celc

Hi, Celc. I'm so sorry to hear about all of the things you've been through. I'm sure it takes an incredible amount of strength to handle all of these events at once. Your body has kept the score of what happened to you and it sounds like each time you are immersed in traumatic memories, you feel "haunted", get flashbacks, and have a general feeling of being overwhelmed. All three of those symptoms are proof of having trauma from prior events. It also sounds like you have a lot of repressed emotions, that you may want to, but cannot or don't know how to express. These unprocessed feelings can make you feel frustrated with a general feeling of helplessness.

All of this, combined with so many distressing and triggering events happening all that once, must make you feel so overwhelmed. It sounds like you haven't had time to process anything. How you are feeling at the moment is completely understandable. I want you to understand that there is nothing wrong with you. It must be difficult to hold in these feelings, especially when it feels as though there's no one around you with whom you can comfortably share your thoughts.

When your brain has no time to process strong feelings or feels trapped, it can store these emotions as sensory information, instead of as regular memories. Thus, it results in a general and pervasive feeling of anxiety and "being overwhelmed", as your nervous system is constantly in an elevated state. This can be exhausting and it makes sense why all you're wishing for is peace of mind.

I want you to know that there are methods to calm feelings from flashbacks and that general feeling of anxiety. After feeling physically safe in your own body, then we can work on addressing the factors that trigger you and the mental factors that cause you to doubt your self-worth. Trauma is something that isn’t easily healed, but I wanted to provide some insight into why you may be feeling the way you are feeling and some hope that there are methods to heal. I won't mention them until you express a wish to hear them, but I hope reading this helps a little bit.

I wish you good luck and if you're up for it in the future, I recommend you the book “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and the Body in the Healing of Trauma”, by Bessel Van Der Kolk.

1 reply
WorkingitThrough2 July 25th, 2023

@Gilbird

Wow, I really love your response and the in dept info you provided❤️

load more