How Does One Recognize Trauma?

As of right now, I feel like ***. I feel alone, stupid, and as if though no one is truly there in my corner, because I'm forever alone. I've been dealing with this for quite some time. To jump into it, my mother has given me "whippings" in the past, of which I have retained several painful memories from. This also includes a memory where I was quite little, around 4, or 5, where I was in trouble. I was crying in my room, as my mother had threatened me with a "whipping", though she had yet to do so, as she was on the phone. I went into the living room, where she was, and I cried and begged her to not whip me. I remember that after doing so, she laughed. While this was many years ago, it's still stuck with me into my adolescence, 10 years later. Though she no longer does "whip" me, she does, in fact, do so to my brother, and, as a result, I'm quite often used to the way his screams sound, as well as her yelling. It's haunted me for a while now. I have also similarly been haunted by a more recent incident, where I was forced to out myself to my father as asexual. Though me outing myself was more recent, there were many confrontations that came before me outing myself, as my father was prone to looking through my phone without consent. In it, all he found were things relating to the LGBT community, of which he used, as well as past confrontations, as evidence of me essentially "lying" to him by coming out and saying as to how I identify, though he had made it clear numerous times that those within the LGBT community were "not normal", "mentally ill", and so on. Funnily enough, after coming out, when I asked him as to whether, or not he thought I was "normal", he couldn't answer. In other news, as of early 2021, my parents are no longer together, which has taken quite a toll upon our family. My parents both gained new partners, and had a mutual understanding to meet the other's significant other, before introducing them to us. This was disregarded, however, in favor of my mother introducing us to her new boyfriend. My father had warned my brother and I of this before, as he and my mother had gotten into a fight that prompted this entire incident. He told me that I, the oldest, would need to call him, in case we ever met her new boyfriend. Granted, that's what I did. As a result, my father showed up, and though he didn't meet her new boyfriend, my mother was quite furious with him and asked him why he was there. He ignored her, and asked if my brother and I were all right, to which we were. After he left, my mother confronted me in the car, confiscated my phone, and ultimately said that I had "ruined the evening". At the time, she didn't apologize. While she did the next day, with a half-*** apology, it took for my father and brother to pressure her to give another one, one that was also half-assed given the pressure, but more genuine than the first. My brother did confront her more head-on though, after the encounter, which earned him another "whipping", in the name of "disrespect", though he was only advocating for her to truly apologize to me. All in all, I've realized that I've come to struggle with how to face tings and recognize them for what they are. While there is much more that's happened, and also impacted the way I've come to face things, this is ultimately the gist of it. I'd like to truly know and recognize, as while I don't truly like, nor despise myself, I would like to be informed, and be able to truly recognize trauma for what it is. in its truest form. These experiences have led me to loathe myself, not truly realize what's happening around me, left me to have flashbacks of what's happened, and question the morality of the people who raised me. I would just truly like to know. Am I a victim? Am I important? Do I matter? The world around me is in shambles and I have no idea how the *** I'm supposed to feel, or what the *** I'm supposed to do. All I ask is for peace. For peace of mind and to be at peace for whatever the *** is happening around me.