Enhancing Listener Training: Addressing the Needs of Fronting Littles
Hello, everyone! This thread is a safe space for individuals with littles who front, no matter the reasons behind their presence. I am embarking on a quest to gather valuable insights to create a comprehensive guide that will aid individuals in supporting littles during private conversations.
I extend a warm welcome to all those who have Little Alters or undergo age regression experiences.
I kindly ask you to share how you would like to receive support when reaching out to a listener while a Little is fronting.
Furthermore, please enlighten us on what you would prefer to steer clear of when in the Little state.
Lastly, feel free to share any additional thoughts or suggestions that you believe are crucial and should be incorporated into an upcoming training manual for listeners to provide even better support for you.
@HopieRemi
I am someone who has a little named alice she ages from 0-4 years old she's very sweet and kind shes able to speak in full sentences shes smart too! but we don't like when someone talks to us as a toddler we have the physical age of 16 but am mentally 7 years old but we would like them to be able to make sure we are calm and safe and if we just need to talk about little space things such as plushies comfy things we like. thanks for this!! <3
Thank you for making this post Remi 🩷 I have a few younger parts who all have their own different way of what they prefer in a chat, it can help alot for listeners to talk about what that part who's Fronting needs as they all different with their own needs.
For me it's usually Safety and comfort they seek, focus on topics that that part brings up, go along in how they speak, for example if you notice they speak in a younger way (less words in sentences, easy word use etc) talk to them as if you speak to a younger child.
You can always ask at a later time when the younger parts aren't Fronting any more for tips on how to handle these times. Usually they can give useful tips.
Try to stay calm and talk to us like any other, don't over ask, laugh, joke etc about how they speak and/or what they speak about. Let them know you listen 🩷
@WendyBird14
Love this, thank you for sharing! Question, I know the user before you stated that her younger part doesn't like baby talk. Is it okay to ask the little how they want the listener to communicate? Whether they need less words or the such?
@HopieRemi How about including the signs and what to watch for, when someone is going, into their altar state of mind. What words to use and what words not to use. What causes altars to happen, in the first place. Also, I would like this guide made available to the member side of things as well. We have some members who are room supporters, some who were never listeners. Maybe, after you get the guide done for the listeners, maybe find a way to give that guide to the member side of things. As a former listener, it is important for them, to know. But I also feel that the member side could also benefit from such a guide.
@calmMango9611
How about including the signs and what to watch for, when someone is going, into their altar state of mind. What words to use and what words not to use. What causes altars to happen, in the first place.
This is definitely something that I plan on including. Do you have any experience with this and will be able to tell me what are some signs you have noticed? If you have any answers to those questions, let me know, if not it is okay!
Also, I would like this guide made available to the member side of things as well. We have some members who are room supporters, some who were never listeners. Maybe, after you get the guide done for the listeners, maybe find a way to give that guide to the member side of things. As a former listener, it is important for them, to know. But I also feel that the member side could also benefit from such a guide.
That's a good idea. I will make sure to include the content where members can see it, too. I will adapt it to work for members after I write the Listener 1-1 chat guide.
@HopieRemi What I have noticed, is when someone goes into their alter state, they stop communicating, some of them do. Others, get emotional. In the adult chatrooms on the adult side of things. Some, revert back to their childhood. Some of them, go from one name to the other, a lot. Like for example, I had one, back when I was an Listener, go from one alter name to another, to another. Then they were fine, and started communicating like "normal". So it was hard to follow. So I would offer reassurance and provide as much support as possible and empathy. And when they would say, sorry for there behavior, I would respond back, nothing to be sorry for, you did nothing wrong. So, it seems at least to me, that they are thinking too much, maybe. Or they were punished for something, that they did not need to be punished for.
@calmMango9611
I know you try to be supportive and understanding but alter state of mind is not the right term imo, to me it might also seem that you maybe are unsure of what happens when a switch happens, it's not the same person talking to you then but another part, it's not that we think to much it's just that we have multiple people in the same body who all Have their own issues, compare it to support room where multiple members talk about their own problems, it's the same for us actually, all separate members but just in one body :)
@WendyBird14 and @calmMango9611 Thank you for the further insights! What are some acceptable terms when discussing this topic, Wendy? I know some people do not like their parts being called alters.
@HopieRemi
I think a best way to be safe is to use parts, as alters can be triggering for some people with osdd/did due to their trauma. It's the same as not everyone likes to be called a system :)
@HopieRemi Thank you, my friend.
@HopieRemi
Yes! Always encouraged :) my parts usually say if it's language they don't understand lol they will go like you use big words 😂
@WendyBird14
That is good to know. And as a Listener, I will be receptive and change my words to match whoever I listen to.
@HopieRemi This is really nice to see. I have to admit that it makes me a bit nervous but that's just because of bad experiences in the past. Like most my biggest priority is safety.
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you for sharing! These are great insights! So, I have nothing to do with vetting. This is going to be more for making sure that listeners are more educated on the topic in case they want to do so.
@HopieRemi Oh ok! Guess I just worry that the wrong people will want to do it
@mytwistedsoul
That's great information. Thanks for tagging me!💚
@daydreammemories You're welcome!
@mytwistedsoul
Twisttt your tips are gooddd, these are important!! What helps for me is if the listener tells me before hand how long they got to chat so they know what to expect. And yeah the boundaries! My parts probably won't answer questions that reveal who they are unless very trusted.
Also good to know to not ask them to leave lol for me personally they will feel very sad and will trigger a protector part, it's okay to not interact but be gentle and don't say things like "I only talk to xyz"
@WendyBird14 Our's are the same with answering questions. I do worry about everyone's triggers because of our protectors. I have a listener know that seems to ignore the one and tbh it's starting to make him a little angry. And you said about one saying about big words - I have one thats will tell this listener Ugh too many words lol. She leaves the chat shortly after that 😕
@mytwistedsoul
Same lol! But yeah I have had fights with listeners before because of protectors they get really protective of the Littles
@WendyBird14
What can you tell me about Protectors? Tips on what to do when the protector comes out? @mytwistedsoul
@HopieRemi
that really depends on what kind of protectors, i have protectors that can be seen as quite rude, but they are just scared and misunderstood, its important to make them feel heard and being taken serious, they lash out alot because they feel like they are losing control of a situation or feel unsafe and only see lashing out as a safe solution, try to stay calm and what helps for us is telling them how their way of communicating makes you feel (in a calm and respectful way as they can feel attacked very fast)
@WendyBird14
That makes sense. So politely explain how their behavior may make the listener feel without making the protector feel bad for the behavior?
@HopieRemi
they usually are unaware that their behavior is unhealthy as its the "only" way they know on how to protect at that time, because that was the only thing that had some effect and was somewhat helpful, so helping them understand without attacking them etc can be helpful, not meaning its okay for them to do but being understanding can help de escalate and not make it worse lol
@WendyBird14 @HopieRemi Couldn't have said it better myself. They can be rude and confrontational but they're not unreasonable either. They're learning how to handle and work through things in new ways too - just like everyone else in the system. They're aggressive because that's the way they know to deal with threats
@mytwistedsoul Okay perfect. It makes sense. Boundaries have to be taught.
@HopieRemi I tried to reply sooner lol but we had to turn it into a debate lol because someone needed to know why you were asking these questions 😅
@mytwistedsoul
loll i felt that
@WendyBird14 There's always something isn't there?
@mytwistedsoul yeahhh they need to chill we just helping to make it better for us lollll
@l0litaSyStem
Hope you dont mind the tag! I am tagging you here because I thought you might interested in what we are doing here. Please let us know how you like to be supported when you are in a chat and either your littles or other parts, including the protector, are fronting?
@HopieRemi
As a regressor who regresses to very young back when I still had my bio mom
some (like me) prefer to be in the rooms when regressing due to more saftey being 1-on-1 could make someone feel unsafe due to predators that sadly exist on cups hope this helps in any way
When little we don't want to be touched (no hugs), just talk to us and if piecing together is too hard just ask. If we freak out say it's ok we're ok no matter how many times you say it we'll calm back down and talk about what happened.....
My little is a trauma holder so.....
