Anxious-avoidant attachment style
Recently, my therapist told me that I'm developing an anxious - avoidant attachment style. I think I've known it for a long time now.. but I'm still feeling very sad about it. Anyone else? How do you deal with it? It's so difficult when you absolutely love people but you've been treated so bad that you just can't seem to accept love because you never feel you deserve it..and if you get repeatedly treated the same way..how do you trust people?
I don't want to be this person. I would not like to have this kind of attachment style. Well, easier said than done I guess 😅
I'm finding it difficult to process it without feeling guilty.
@Stormandshelter
I developed this during trauma also sensors like touch are broken. I do therapy I have done different ones and healing is possible.
I had to learn and continue to learn to work on my triggers like avoidant .
Rooting for you're healing.
🐸Kermit
@wonderfulKermit1936
Hi, thank you so much for sharing your experience. Sometimes you feel really alone in your journey and it's nice to have someone tell you it will be alright. Thank you for cheering me up! :)❤️
@Stormandshelter
No problem for that reason is why I became a listener🐸 Healing is possible ✨️ if you ever feel alone or just need a listener feel free to reach out
Rooting for ur healing✨️ sending you positive vibes and strength 💪
🐸 Kermit
@wonderfulKermit1936
Thank you! That's very sweet of you.
For some reason, I just don't feel like talking to anyone these days. Specially after the last therapy session.. very low on energy. Cancelled today's session
@Stormandshelter
I definitely understand wanting to hide and not talk. My offer always stands. I'm also verified my badge just isn't on yet hopefully by next week.
When I personally feel this way I love to get lost in music lyrics and doodling.
I hope you start feeling better soon
Rooting for you
🐸✨️💚✨️Kermit
@wonderfulKermit1936
You may not believe it but I've been a verified listener myself. I just took a long self-care break as I was struggling myself. Been year for 4-5 years hehe😅
Thank you for your support. I appreciate it very much!<3
@Stormandshelter
That definitely means you need some stars with Kermit 🐸✨️🌟✨️🌟✨️
I do believe it 💛we are humans we need breaks. 🙂
I'm also a member but also very human. 😬✨️✨️
If you ever find urself sitting alone ansld need some sunshine stars hope light find this groggy 🐸🌟🌟🌟🌟✨️✨️✨️💛
No need to walk alone. 🧘♀️✨️
Kermit is sending you so much strength and joy 🐸💛🌟💛🌟✨️🌟💛🌟💛🌟
@Stormandshelter
It sounds like you’re grappling with some really challenging feelings right now, and I want to acknowledge how difficult it can be to come to terms with the way your attachment style affects your relationships and sense of self-worth. Discovering that you have an anxious-avoidant attachment style, especially when you already feel like you’ve been struggling with it for a while, can be deeply disheartening.
It’s entirely understandable to feel sadness and frustration about this realization. Loving people and wanting to connect deeply, yet feeling unable to fully accept or trust love due to past experiences, creates a painful conflict. It’s a complex situation when the very people you care about are also the ones whose actions have reinforced feelings of unworthiness or mistrust.
Feeling guilty about this discovery is a natural response, but it’s important to approach yourself with compassion rather than self-judgment. Recognizing that you have this attachment style is a significant step toward understanding yourself better. It’s not a reflection of your character or your capacity to love; rather, it’s a way to frame the challenges you face in forming and maintaining close relationships.
One way to deal with these feelings is to start by being kind to yourself. Acknowledge that it’s okay to have these feelings and that it’s part of your journey to healing and growth. It might also be helpful to gently challenge the beliefs that you don’t deserve love or that people will inevitably hurt you. Sometimes, reflecting on positive experiences and relationships where you felt valued and accepted can help shift this perspective.
Building trust and learning to accept love can take time, especially if past experiences have made you cautious. It’s a process of gradually allowing yourself to be vulnerable and recognizing that your worthiness of love is not contingent upon others' actions or past experiences. Engaging in small, positive interactions and nurturing relationships that have shown consistency and care might help in slowly rebuilding trust.
Remember that change is a gradual process, and it’s okay to be patient with yourself. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to honor them without added guilt. By recognizing and reflecting on your experiences and being compassionate toward yourself, you can begin to move toward a place where you feel more secure in your relationships and more at ease with accepting love.
@Stormandshelter
It’s very challenging to feel that way. I used to be almost to an extreme but it was my comfort zone. I’d think isolated would help. Sometimes we all need a break, but it’s small steps. Sometimes just a text, a check in event if it’s only a few exchanges, can help.
Also, whether you feel that way or not, it doesn’t define you, it doesn’t mean there aren’t different approaches you can try - some might be comfortable, some might not be and that’s ok. You’re working through it and doesn’t mean things can’t or won’t feel easier.
Balance, taking time for yourself too, it’s understandable when we try something new and out of comfort zone to need to decompress. It may be easy to think about what may have felt uneasy, but don’t forget the good things too.
You’re the best judge of how you feel around certain people, part of connecting with others can be also connecting and learning to trust ourselves when we recognize this interaction may be a little uncomfortable but want to give it more time, and when you feel too much.
Takes some effort sure, but trial and error and if nothing else, if you want to do something, feel excited, would probably enjoy yourself, those could also be ways to help feel encouraged.
Hope you feel better and take a bit of control as opposed to accepting how you’re feeling and what you’re going through now doesn’t mean it will be forever. Patience and kindness for yourself.
@BaBeanPalm
Thank you for your kind words. ✨
The truth is that I always tried to fight my negative beliefs but unfortunately people keep breaking my trust. Now I'm at a point where even asking for help puts me in a vulnerable position. That's more difficult to deal with. My brain has a lot of defense mechanisms and I don't think they actually defend me anymore. That's what my therapist said too haha.
I don't know how to fix it anymore. I'm just hoping I at least learn to treat myself better because I don't think others will ever do.
@Stormandshelter
I completely relate to your words, how you expressed it, it can be a bit scary. But try new things, you’ll never know. When other people are making you feel that way, hopefully you can do as much as you can to grow more with yourself and risk/reward of how you feel and what you may be able to do to change it. I think back and couldn’t have imagined how things would have turned out, or how I did them, but those moments you feel even a bit of motivation, follow it’s lead. You’ll find spaces and places and people you feel safe and relief. Again, can never be 100%, life is full of bumps and challenges, you’re more in control than you may feel. The way you’re feeling, it’d be nothing to feel guilty about.
