*tw* just in case - please help if you can! DID/BPD/OCD
I have a family trip coming up with some relatives that are incredibly toxic to me.. the only reason i'm going is for my grandmother who has dementia that is getting worse. In the 4 years I spent living with them they drove me to start taking medication, having tics, and of course dissociating..
I tend to mirror people that are actors or musicians. I feel like right now an actor and musician I mirror often are fighting in my head for dominance to mentally protect me from my family if that makes sense - but it just makes me feel more lost and confused and separated from myself. I also have bpd so that's why I am not sure if it makes sense to post here in the did community or not.
I cannot tell when I am mirroring sometimes until it happens... Does anyone deal with this? Also, the people I mirror tend to be quite different, so I don't know how to mentally survive this trip without dissociating and mirroring someone so I don't have to face myself when I get upset by the family.
@spongymoth34 I'm sorry that you are going through this Spongymoth. I don't have knowledge in this subject, but I used to mirror one of my close friends. The way I battled it was that I kept imagining that I was lecturing that persona all the time in my head. It took me a while. I don't know if this is a correct method but it helped me back in the day. I hope everything turns out better in time!
I’m so sorry. I know how disappointing it is when your own family hurts you. It sounds like you’re really struggling to set some boundaries. I encourage you to keep in mind that you owe nothing to no one, and this includes blood relatives who trigger or mistreat you. You have every right to protect yourself from harm. This idea that we have to stay behind this type of trauma perpetuates cycles of abuse. I moved across the country and haven’t been home in ten years. Sometimes it’s hard, I definitely did a lot of grieving in my early twenties, but I know I did the right thing and never would have made it this far had I stayed.
It has been 6 months since your original post. How have things been with your family lately? ✨💕✨
