subthreshold symptoms // dissociation
i'm wondering if it's possible to have something akin to DID but without fully-fledged alters?? most of the resources i can find sort of assume they have their own memories/consciousnesses, but what i (we??) have is more like one stream of consciousness that gets intruded on sometimes. usually, this looks like random thoughts, feelings or opinions that pop into my head out of nowhere. and there is amnesia, but it's more like a collective pool that degrades in quality over the course of days or weeks than between switches. i don't really know what it's like to have someone else take over my body apart from really stressful situations, it's more like i just randomly notice i feel like a different person.
it's worth noting that the chance i've accidentally given myself symptoms is high - i'm at an Impressionable Age™ with a hyperfixation on mental health. afaik i've never been SA'd (i do have some self-inflicted child s-xual trauma but that's a whole other thing) and most of the stuff that's happened in my childhood that i know of is either very mild, a one-off incident, or only verbal/emotional (i.e. wouldn't cause a dissociative disorder according to the DSM.) i don't even meet PTSD criteria because i don't have flashbacks.
so like. is this a thing or am i just pathologising normal human experiences? i can give more context if needed, but i may have to look at some of my old notes bc i can't think of anything off the top of my head.
@starryheadedNOS
Greetings, starry,
Thank you for your post. Please remember to use a trigger warning when discussing distressing content.
My heart goes out to you. Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified is definitely a thing, however, I would be wary of any self-diagnoses. Have you ever been evaluated by a mental health professional?
The symptoms you describe fall under many categories including personality and mood disorders. These can no doubt impact your quality of life. Traumatic experiences are subjective to the experiencer. That is, what may not impact me may impact you or visa versa. Therefore, it’s important not to dismiss the events in your life as somehow not traumatic enough.
Additional Reading:
Another important thing to consider is the topic of suppression. It may be that you’re not remembering everything that ever happened to you, as this was the case with me. I had to rely on family members to confirm or deny my memories when they cropped up during my healing journey.
I encourage you to continue to explore this phenomenon within yourself in a safe way.
Enjoy your stay.
I have DID, and have friends with it also, so I've researched it a lot. I want to note some things you may find helpful! I'm going to write everything below as if it is 100% true, but please note that DID is a controversial and misunderstood disorder.
1. DID is caused by childhood trauma. You can find the other theory, but I don't subscribe to it. DID is either used to box away trauma or to reconsile contradictory concepts. (Like living with someone who intermittently hurts you, but you need to rely on.) This means you should have a long history of these issues. I started dissociating very young, and had people tell me I seemed like a totally different person depending on the day and time. My ex told me once he would check in with me, and if I was combative me, he'd just avoid me until a few hours later where I'd likely be the me he wanted to be around.
2. This is a controversial and misunderstood disorder, which can complicate treatment. You may find professionals who will not acknowledge its existence. When I first sought diagnosis I was heavily screened for schizophrenia instead. If you find a professional who does treat it, and agrees you have it, they will have one of two goals. Either they will try to integrate alters, or just get them all to live together harmoniously and minimize memory gaps.
3. Our personality is likely fluid, dissociative disorder or not. We likely adapt our persona to our environment. DID is an extreme form of this with memory gaps added on. There are other forms of dissociation like derealization and depersonalization.
Source: I have some academic background in psychology and did a lot of research on dissociation disorders specifically. I'm not a professional at all. I just tried to avail myself of all the research papers I could when I had access to those databases through my college.
@starryheadedNOS
Have you looked into OSDD, Other Specified Dissociative Disorder? Sometimes with OSDD there are parts who intrude but don't 'take over', but you would need to speak to a specialist about that. There is a quiz you can do online called the Dissociative Experiences Scale, if you fill that out and take it to a doctor they might be able to help you.
We have a DID/OSDD support session tomorrow (Wednesday) at 1PM EST if you want to join? Everyone is friendly and you are welcome to explore your experiences with us.
