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What living in a state of dissociation can feel like - anonymous
audienta April 2nd, 2023
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Hello everyone,


Some of us might have already experienced it, others haven't - a dissociation. Dissociations can be part of multiple conditions and feel different for every person. Today, we have the honour to read what living in a state of dissociation can feel like for one of our members. Please share your thoughts regarding this topic and appreciation for the anonymous author under the post.

What living in a state of Dissociation can feel like - anonymous


For me, living and being in a state of Dissociation feels like being asleep and dreaming. It makes me unsure of whether I am in the present or just being in a state of confusion, or if how I am feeling is a blast from the past. Oftentimes, I experience knowing how and where I am going, but when I dissociate what was familiar becomes vague, and I am in a state of confusion, most of the time it is only for a short period of time.


I find that I am very good at staying under the radar of revealing these symptoms when I am with others. This makes me feel so unreal and embarrassed, most of the time I can play it off. I find that I do a lot of covering up symptoms because of the shame and the reactions I have gotten from other people.


I recently got this diagnosis late last year and really just thought I was losing my mind. I knew it was time to seek help, but my past experiences kept me from doing so. There are times that I still deal with denial of this condition because of the stigma attached to having DID and the fact that I had been telling the medical professionals of my symptoms, and I was just drugged up and dismissed as psychotic.

Other times I feel like I am underwater, things just seem blurred and unreal sort of like swimming underwater, I also have times when I am just visually watching like a movie of various move frames passing before my eyes which make little sense to me. One thing that I have noticed is that my dissociation gets worse when I am stressed.

This post is part of the Awareness and Education on Dissociative Disorders project (clickable). You can find a masterpost with all the posts of the project linked here (clickable). If you want to join the team as a content creator or discussion host, please leave me a message. Also, please comment if you want to be tagged in future posts.

Thank you,
audienta
7
innateJoy9602 April 2nd, 2023
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@audienta

We can always learn so much from other people’s experiences. Especially something like dissociation. I feel sorry that the stigma around it, adds on a whole other layer for people who already have to struggle a lot with the disorder itself.

Thanks for posting this and thanks to the anonymous author!!💜

audienta OP April 3rd, 2023
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@innateJoy9602

I absolutely agree and I'm happy that people like the anonymous author share their experience and with that help to reduce the stigma.

adaptableOcean4193 April 2nd, 2023
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I am not 'diagnosed' with anything like that, but feel it, I suppose, as an effect of strokes, aneurysms and blindness, I feel lost in space not knowing where I am going, what I am doing, and with way is up, down or what direction. It is a bit scary, but also, as you said, embarrassing, as I know others are not feeling that way, from feeling more collected before myself. I hope you are able to deal with it in a way that is healthy for you. I haven't quite figured that out for myself. yet...

WorkingitThrough2 April 3rd, 2023
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@adaptableOcean4193

We are all yet a Work in Progress. Things can feel so confusing to when we don't know what is happening to us. Yes, things can be very scary.

I like you am still trying to figure things out❤️. I wish you much success on this journey walking side by side to the finish line.😊

audienta OP April 3rd, 2023
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@adaptableOcean4193

It's okay that you don't react to your condition the same way as others do. I wish you a lot of patience with yourself in finding strategies that help you find ground and orientation.

mytwistedsoul April 3rd, 2023
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I try to stay present but it's not easy. Stress does make it worse. You do learn to cover up and hide things. Anonymous writer is absolutely right about the stigma around DID. Even therapists can have a hard time grasping and understanding - even believing what people who have are going through. I try to be patient with people who don't know about it but I've just gotten more and more quiet and less willing to share what I'm going through. I'm often ashamed of having this - even though it's not my fault. I'm even anxious sharing this here 😞

audienta OP April 3rd, 2023
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@mytwistedsoul

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this topic. I know that it's hard and needs a lot of courage and trust to open up despite the stigma. I hope, that you can feel safe here.

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