Fearful avoidant attachment
I discovered my attachment style, fearful avoidant. It explains so so much . I am researching ways to trust and get past this so I can connect with people. This style is one of the rarer types caused by an abusive childhood. I desperately want deep connection all of my life but never could find it. It's taken me decades to even become aware of my issues. As painful as this is I am trying to fix this. Opening up about my feelings and needs is incredibly difficult as I was never taught that this was okay to do.
I had not realized that this was my problem not the people around me. I have been burned so many times by predatory type people over the years.
I'm still learning and I'm scared . This is so difficult to overcome.
My siblings are dealing with this same attachment style problem.
It is a grieving process realizing I've missed out on so much because of my deep self protection actions. I didn't even realize what I was doing .....
Wow more challenges to get through, hope I can do it. I have been through so many already.
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92
Dear Blackberry,
you are not alone ❤️ same attachment style going on with me too.
I think it is already amazing that you are researching about this topic and learning more about your attachment style. Awareness and acceptance is the crucial step towards healing. I am sure that you will get to the point where you will be able to express your emotions and form your relationships just the way you would want them to be ❤️ I am also not still there yet, but slowly and progressivelly getting to it.
Sending you lots of hugs and support ❤️
@Sleepwalkermw
Thank you for responding so kindly. It helps to know I'm not alone. What a struggle, I'm sorry you have the same one. I need a lot of practice voicing my feelings. Especially in close relationships. I always feel so vulnerable and terrified I'm going to be judged or worse rejected.
I appreciate your encouraging words. 💜🤗
ABB
This is mine as well. It seems like it can look differently for different people. Glad to connect and curious what it looks like for you.
TW:
For myself I grew up with very emotionally abusive mother who had habit of flying into a rage over small things, like losing a sweatshirt, etc. and an emotionally unavailable but also emotionally abusive father. :( My brothers were both dismissive avoidant, not abusive but very distant. I mostly relied on my cat for comfort and maybe a small set of school friends.
I had severe social anxiety and was often lonely but finally started therapy in college. I don't really feel like I had push pull relationships or breakup/makeup as some FAs describe because I was pretty shy and avoidant leaning and did not even have a kiss until 22 or so and intimacy at 30. I was able to start dating some after starting therapy, but still have been mostly single. I act more avoidant in relationships with those who are preocuppied, coming on very strong, expect a lot of texts frequently or are physically pushy, and often call it off after a few dates. I tend to gravitate to dating avoidant partners who respect my space and are gentler and more patient and fell hard for my past partner for this reason, but my past partner would not call me his girlfriend or acknowledge me as dating in front of our friends, and I became more upset about that, brought it up and the relationship ended.
Hoping with more therapy and healing I can find someone who gives me a balance of being caring and attentive but respecting boundaries.