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@Malarkey1994 Hello there!! i want to say you are doing such a great job for finally saying it out loud! I'm proud of you! I'm sorry you been through a lot. it must have been tough. it is always a good thing if you can let it out. even just writing it on a book where no one can see it. still can bring a little bit of relief. even better if you can find someone you can talk all your problems to! and have you ever considered doing a therapy? it'll really help you know :) i hope everything works out for you!! if you need help, i'll be here 👍

Hey. I wanted to try therapy, only I can't pay for it. Nevermind. It was nice recieving a reply. Thanks so much ❤️. I hope you're doing well. All love.

You're just starting to come to terms with things. Try not to expect yourself to just instantly know how to cope. You're already doing great by taking the first step, but recovery is a journey. The masking thing you're talking about, where you put on a happy face, that's a really common defense thing, you automatically do it and so does everyone else who has been through something traumatic. Please don't beat yourself up for it. I know we're not supposed to give advice and I'm new so I'm not sure what counts as advice, but please know you're not alone and you are not broken. Your reactions are very normal.