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verdantwyrm
1 159 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2021 Member sinceJune 5, 2021
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Was my husband abused?
Trauma Support / by verdantwyrm
Last post
 June 6th, 2021
...See more I think my husband (37) was sexually abused at 15 by his now dead mother, but he says it was a consensual sexual relationship. She died when they had a fight about him wanting to move into her bedroom and he left to cool off. While he was staying with friends, she fell from a ladder and was dead by the time someone found her. A month later, his uncle (who lived with them) threw himself into a river. My husband tried to move in with his father but was told he was only allowed to stay if he quit school and paid "his share" of the bills. His father then sold his entire inheritance (and sent his dog to the SPCA) and kept the money for himself. My husband was basically homeless until his late 20s, when we met at a protest. In that time he had a son who was adopted out (without my husband's consent) who sought him out a few years ago and now lives with us (he is 17). I don't want to be another person who abandoned him. I don't want to lose my stepson. I want to help. But every time he touches me I can't help but think "you willingly had sex with your own mother" and I recoil mentally. I was raped by my grandfather for 10 years, up to the age of 12, I've been in therapy most of my life, and I know how the mind games work. I don't want to blame him because he was 15, he couldn't consent to sex with an adult. But the fact that, at almost 40, he insists it was not abusive... I don't know how to feel about that. He hasn't had any therapy or help for this ever. He says I'm the only person outside of him and his mother who knows about it. What do I do?
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