Pregnant and feeling helpless at times
I don't know where to start...I am currently pregnant with my 4th child and separated from the father recently. We had too many issues and I am forcing myself to let go even though it is hard. A part of me still loves him but I also hate him. I've been abused by my father and ex boyfriends before him, but he is by far the worse. I got paid, I'm afraid of him at times and I avoided doing simple things as going to certain stores, watching how I dress and cutting off all support I had from my family just to make him happy. He physically assaulted me when I was pregnant with our first son and then again with this pregnancy. He constantly called me a smut, whore, bitch, said I'm good for nothing. His words stood with me and i have low self esteem because of it. He damaged me so bad, where I feel like I would never be happy with someone because I am simply not worthy enough. It's crazy because when we were good, he would tell me I'm beautiful, and he would do anything for me and help me around the house and be a great father. I tried to convince myself maybe he would stop verbally and physically abusing me. He constantly blamed me for the way that he acts. Says he doesn't feel bad because I deserve it. I started to believe maybe I did. He would switch from this sweet person to a freaking devil that didn't give a shit out me. I try to ignore his text and he still writes to me. Saying things like I can finally be the whore I always wanted to be, that I'm worthless and then he switches again to saying let's try couples therapy. Im thinking about moving away once the baby is born so that I can keep my distance from him, I need therapy because I endured so much from him, I never let anyone bring me down until I met him. I didn't deserve this, especially while pregnant.
