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Wencanan
1 5,211 M Seeking Light 8
PathStep 76 Compassion hearts482 Forum posts73 Forum upvotes54 Current upvotes54 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 17, 2018
Recent forum posts
Public Freak Out
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Wencanan
Last post
 November 27th, 2023
...See more I have bipolar, pmdd, gad, and ptsd. I do not socialize well. They changed the self check out to 10 items or less. I go to a cashier. She has me bag my own things and doesn’t scan my membership card and questions me when i want to check on discounts before payment. I say “I don’t like you” and walk away. She yells at me to pay. Someone does too. Then someone else. I go back furious. “Then push the button!” She already has my payment information. “Ma’am you need to pay.” Again I say, “Then push the button!” She does and I leave. An associate looks at me as I go. “She was power struggling with me and it made me mad. I’m sorry!”
Spiraled after months (vent)
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Wencanan
Last post
 November 17th, 2023
...See more I am normally “stable” with a hot mess of anxiety and bouts of irritability. I’d say I’m fairly reasonable and patient most of the time and the only psychosis I have anymore is thought broadcasting. Last night, I woke up at 4 am with anxiety that I hadn’t put away the Halloween decorations. Of course I had many days before. Then I got to thinking about Christmas. Then about our dinky tree. I started looking online for Christmas trees. In the back of my mind I thought I shouldn’t buy one. It’s frivolous, but I really want one. I got it. At 6:30 I made coffee and my husband got up for the bathroom. He greeted me and I couldn’t hold in my excitement about the Christmas tree. He seemed to care very little and walked away. I completely lost it. We argued. I cried uncontrollably. I told him he’s defensive and can’t apologize. That I’m tired of fixing these fights and how I want to be crazy for once. How Christmas is important to me because I haven’t had a good one in many years. He just kept saying he didn’t mean it and he wanted to see the tree. He told me I was unreasonable. After my freak out we made up and I felt awful about it. I had no idea I would react that way. One second I was over the moon, the next I was beyond mad at him for everything he had ever done wrong. We had bad feelings until after lunch when I dragged us all out for a hike. Then we made s’mores in the fire pit out back. We turned the day around. I was scared for a moment we were broken. It’s very shocking to know things can take a turn so quickly like that when strong feelings take over suddenly. He is a recovering addict and I want a sober Christmas. I want him to be excited for me when I’m happy but he seems annoyed or skeptical of my choices. I didn’t know the tree meant that much to me. I snapped quickly without warning. I apologized all day. I felt terrible.
The number 8
Trauma Support / by Wencanan
Last post
 January 1st, 2022
...See more Note: Content includes description of various instances, mention of death, drugs and assault. [added by theriverissinging] 1) I was 17 and grounded from my vehicle. I went to a party and my friend drove me there. My manager from work came to the party after I texted him. He was 23. He drove me home. We went past my house to the end of the street… 2) I was 18 and visiting friends often. We met at this guys house usually. He was 30. I would go there and no one else would be there. He didn’t care that I wanted to leave. It happened multiple times… 3) I was 18 and fell asleep in a chair. My friend’s older brother didn’t wake me up first… 4) I was 20 and mad at my boyfriend. So I went to a friend’s house and he offered me the bed while he took the couch. I fell asleep and he didn’t wake me up first either… 5) I was seeing a guy that wanted to be my boyfriend. I thought he was fun because he drove a fast car. He took me to his room and I didn’t want to… 6) I was at a boyfriend’s house and he fell asleep. I went to hang out with his roommates. One sat in a chair and watched while the other stepped on my hair… 7) I was seeing a coworker but wasn’t ready to be in a physical relationship. He was fine for nearly a year when one night I was sleeping again… 8) I knew this guy for 5 years. I thought he was okay. We did drugs one night and I lost consciousness… Between 3 and 4 I went to a guys house. He lived in the basement. Ge gave me a pill. After that I just remember waking up sometimes and getting another pill. I don’t know how long I was there. He killed himself a few days later.
Substance Abuse and Infidelity
Trauma Support / by Wencanan
Last post
 December 6th, 2021
...See more Earlier this week, my son’s dad had a relapse and he acted out. He stayed up all night, got on dating sites, contacted old flirts, and sent a payment to a prostitute. I sent him away and for all I know he followed through with the prostitute. What troubles me the most is that I caught him once or twice a day and he told me he was sorry, promised he wouldn’t do it again, yet continued to engage. The trust completely broke. Right now we are separated. He is sleeping on the couch until he can find a place to live or I can find a reason to forgive him. Unfortunately, I have forgiven his substance abuse and ill acts before after a 9 month break. His sobriety lasted about 4 months this time. When he uses, he is not a person I want to be with. When he is sober, his actions are normal and loyal. I’m not looking for advice. I just wanted to share my week. I’m in therapy and I take medication. This is something I’ve been dealing with for many years. It’s just very hard to stay strong and pursue his sobriety.
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