Moving on
It's been a really rough week for me because I left my husband again and am have pretty much accepted that divorce is the next step. Yesterday it really hit me, and I felt a sadness. And I know it is ok to feel sad about the end of "us" when we were together almost 7 yrs.
Things weren't always bad or even abusive. Abuse didn't start until about a year after giving birth to our daughter. It started with emotional/mental and then late last year it got brought to a physical level. My mom was in an abusive relationship in the past when I was growing up so I knew the direction things would likely go and so I got out of the situation earlier this year. Moved in with family and got a job within 2 weeks after leaving my husband.
I didn't speak to him for months and if I did it was centered around our daughter. And he did go to therapy, which I am grateful he was willing to do, but it has come to my attention recently that it may have not really been working, he may have not been ready to change, because he went back to blaming me for why things went bad between us. I flat out told him how I felt about his therapy after he started blaming me and he told me it didn't work because he knew what he needed to do. On top of that he outright just quit therapy recently due to his car purchase, so he couldn't afford therapy anymore. Things were also already slipping back towards the way things were when the abuse began the first time. I was only staying there part time too so it made it easier to leave again.
So now I do feel sadness that divorce is probably our best option for us. But I do feel a little better about it because I did give "us" another chance and him a chance to prove he was willing to change. But I do find myself feeling weak and questioning if looking into divorce is truly the best option.
@hardworkingTortoise4579
Just let yourself go through the grieving process. Feel the sadness and the pain. Let yourself have those thoughts. Feel what you need to feel. But remember divorce really is the best option now. The only other best option would be for your husband to change his behavior and he's proven he's not willing to do that so leaving him truly is the best thing for you.
It sounds like you're doing everything right, everything right for you and you have been able to do everything you do and not let it affect you. You were able to get a new job and you thought about giving him another chance. You did well. I don't know if you feel like trying or waiting again for it to work out. I guess it depends how this makes you feel. But abuse is scary, and can put you in a dangerous position. You have to think about your future, the future of your daughter. I wish you good luck in trying to make up your mind. I feel silly trying to help you because I was never married, but, I was in a few relationships. I never got married because they didn't feel right to me. I try to love myself as much as possible. Anyway, I truly wish you all the best whatever you decide. It's up to you, and it's your decision, you're in control and you decide what you are willing to put up with or not, sorry if this sounds obvious, but I hope it helps
Thank you. I definitely am considering our daughter too and what is best for her. I have started journaling my feelings about our relationship so I can start letting go. I just don't know if what happened was just a set back because change does take time and we just need to take a step back or if it is just a sign that we just shouldn't be together.