Moving on
It's been a really rough week for me because I left my husband again and am have pretty much accepted that divorce is the next step. Yesterday it really hit me, and I felt a sadness. And I know it is ok to feel sad about the end of "us" when we were together almost 7 yrs.
Things weren't always bad or even abusive. Abuse didn't start until about a year after giving birth to our daughter. It started with emotional/mental and then late last year it got brought to a physical level. My mom was in an abusive relationship in the past when I was growing up so I knew the direction things would likely go and so I got out of the situation earlier this year. Moved in with family and got a job within 2 weeks after leaving my husband.
I didn't speak to him for months and if I did it was centered around our daughter. And he did go to therapy, which I am grateful he was willing to do, but it has come to my attention recently that it may have not really been working, he may have not been ready to change, because he went back to blaming me for why things went bad between us. I flat out told him how I felt about his therapy after he started blaming me and he told me it didn't work because he knew what he needed to do. On top of that he outright just quit therapy recently due to his car purchase, so he couldn't afford therapy anymore. Things were also already slipping back towards the way things were when the abuse began the first time. I was only staying there part time too so it made it easier to leave again.
So now I do feel sadness that divorce is probably our best option for us. But I do feel a little better about it because I did give "us" another chance and him a chance to prove he was willing to change. But I do find myself feeling weak and questioning if looking into divorce is truly the best option.
