I want to have a ‘proper
Hi all,
I have been and still suffer from emotional abuse from my parents (primarily from my mother now). I have had legitimate support from psychologists since last year, so I am well on my way to healing from the C-PTSD it has caused. However, I just can't seem to get over this sort of... I don't know, grief? Or maybe a sense of unfairness? That I feel when I hear about or see other people's parents or grandparents. I just feel like I wish so deeply that I had a 'proper' family, with a non-abusive mom, a present dad, and grandparents who I can talk to without my mom distancing me from them. I wish I could talk to my grandparents but even though they're nice to me they were apparently abusive towards my mom and I just don't know how to feel about that. I would be so happy to finally rid myself of my mom but I still really want a proper mom.
Is anyone experiencing anything similar? It would be great to know I'm not alone in this.
@Lovrotte1211 Hey How are you?
I often feel the same. That feeling of grief amd longing to have a family that wants me - that loves me. Just to feel as though I belong some where. I see things sometimes - exchanges between families - the love and acceptance they have for each other and I get so angry sometimes and sad. Wondering what it is about me that has made me so unloveable. There are actually many of us here on this site that are going through the same thing and wondering the same questions. You're not alone
I'm glad you're here amd happy to meet you :)
@mytwistedsoul
Wow. This is so encouraging. You put into words my daily longing. Thank you.
@FigureskatingEquestrian You're welcome - but I'm sorry you're dealing with this too. It's hard feeling this way amd having these thoughts - allways wondering. I'm glad to see you've found this place - I've seen you in the checkins :)
@Lovrotte1211
Wow I actually have a really similar story! My mom used a lot of gaslighting techniques and manipulation on me, to the point that we no longer talk. However, all through childhood, she distanced me and my sibling from all our extended family, calling them "crazy", not allowing us to see some of them, and saying her parents were abusive so we couldn't get close to our grandparents.
I don't know how true those claims are, but regardless I've never been able to develop a bond with extended family, and I now believe it to be another manipulation on my mother's part. Now, I have no relationship with my mother, no extended family support, and I'm left with triggers of emotional maniulation and a broken sense of family.
I hate it, as I'm sure you do. It feels like being cheated. Like there was this chance of family, and yet due to the abusive nature of others, we get the broken leftover pieces. It sucks, and I'm sorry you have to go through it too.
@LyssSky03 I'm really sorry this happened to you... I know exactly how it feels. My mother did the same. Even though I am away from her, she still tries her hardest to get her foot in the door of my life at every turn. It sucks. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. You didn't deserve it.
@Lovrotte1211 I am a survivor of emotional and psychological abuse, primarily from my mother. That wound is definitely a painful one. I often spend my time feeling as though I am never good enough for anyone, because I was never good enough for my own mother... so why would I be good enough for someone else? I know personally just how much that hurts. It feels very overwhelming at times. All.I have to offer is that the grief, while it doesn't go away, does fade. Allow yourself to mourn the loss of the mother you never had. You deserved to be safe and loved as a child, and you just weren't. That isn't fair and it is perfectly valid to feel the way you do about it. I promise, things get better. Hang in there. You are loved and you are worth it. 💙
@Lovrotte1211 You see only what you want to see
Both my so called "parents" have always been abusive. Two mean people that are mean to other people too, not just me and between themselves...very toxic people...
I am so sad you feel this too...
In the end, we create our own family by chosing our own friends and gathering nice helpful people around us...
Family is not about blood but about who likes you and treats you nice...cherish your friends and tgose who really care about you...
