How does child sexual abuse victims later become child sexual abusers themselves?
I recently read Perks of being a Wallflower and saw aunt Helen molest Charlie because she was molested as a child. How does her mind work while doing this? Does she do this because she finds children arousing? And how does that links to her being molested as a child?
Or is it a power and control situation? How does molesting him makes her feel more powerful? Does she get sexual pleasure from touching him, or does she want to make him feel bad somehow?
It would be great help if you can help me understand. Regards.
@toughBlueberry It's hard to explain if you can't see through their eyes.
You can try to find logic in this behaviour. But, maybe, the most logical is that our behaviours are mirrors of our pasts. We create this repetition, involuntarily.
I have lived that myself. And I take this view from the inside.
You don't think. It's just a repetitive action, that inside a person who was abused / molested feels like normal. It feels like "that's totally fine, because my life was that way." It feels the same for any other kind of abuse or addiction.
When you come across with "the real world" and the normal life, and the morality, and judgement, rights and wrongs, and see that your perspective of life was all "wrong" from the rules, you have that strong impact of lost ("what my life meant?"). And some people struggle A LOT at dealing with the normal world. Dealing with the judgements they make from themselves. Some can't struggle that alone, they fall into this vortex: sexual abuse - abusive relationships - sex addiction - pornography - prostitution....
It's really hard for these persons get out of this repetition. With psychologic consequences, of course, and social issues.
@CreativeBerry94
Thank you for this detailed reply. So I understand it feels normal to them. But when aunt Helen was touching Charlie, did she feel pleasure? And to her, this pleasure felt normal and helps her go through the difficult life? Or is it because if she touches him she feels more worhty of love, just like Patrick kissed Charlie to numb his pain? Can you give me some insights?
@toughBlueberry Was always curious to know the reason why the abused becomes the abuser as well. Some see this in their lives, an angry parent blames abuse in their past for the same, or the bully in school has a past trauma. Perhaps, at a subconscious level, they want to make others go through the pain what they have? An outlet for their trauma maybe? Sexual abuse and I would suppose there are more layers to it. This is invasive form of abuse and perhaps they wish to feel the power which they did not feel when they were abused. And in this, they wish to experience what the abuser felt when they abused them? Its a tough question and I think lack of a proper resolution/ assistance to their abuse leads them to become the abuser themselves, wanting to reach out to their evil side and feel what their abuser felt.
@hopefuloutlook
I agree with what you said. But at one post, I read, "It's a way for the abuser to show love". I couldn't figure out how it's a way to show love. I can understand they want to feel powerful like their abuser, which makes more sense to me. But does this mean they thing this feeling powerful is loving someone?
@toughBlueberry abuse is abuse. If that's the way for the abuser "to show love", then they clearly do not understand what love is. Love comes from a place of care and compassion and not harm and abuse