How did I not see it?
A month ago I realized how abusive my 4.5 year relationship is. I started to make a plan for my daughter (7, not his) & I to leave in early Jan (give me time to save). A fuse was lit Friday & my plan exploded Saturday and he gave me an ultimatum. Put a car in my name for him (suspended license) or we won't survive.
His car broke down 3 months ago, so he needed my car for work & told me he would get his car fixed. Originally we were going to share my car but then it suddenly became he had to have a car for work or he'd lose his job. Having me stuck at home is a great control tactic.
Saturday I said I can't communicate with him & he said it's because I always yell (he will not let me get a word in and I get flustered and my voice goes up), but his voice gets low & his facial expression make me shrink back. I told him he keeps trying to guilt me & he yelled at me to get the F out of his room and slammed the door.
I went to my mom's until bedtime then slept with my daughter in the basement. We had plans with my family to go to the beach for my birthday so we decided it would be best for us to take a few days apart. However he keeps messaging me how he misses me and loves me so much and it's God's plan for me to be in his life. Eventually I ignored the messages and his 14 year old daughter reached out begging me to reply.
I'll be living there for the time being. But I'm calling a DV place hopefully today.
@RainyDayJess
Reaching out to local supports are a great step, there are many shelters and outreach to help you safety plan for all your eventualities. If you don't have all necessary documents with you, make a list of everything you would need, there are organizations that can help you retrieve them from the house safely. If all else fails there is always the option to ask the police to simply be there while you retrieve things. You don't need to formally lodge anything with the police if you don't want, but accessing the non-emergency services or victim services to help you stay safe is always an option. I also recommend turning off GPS on your phone.
I'm happy you're getting out of your situation, it takes so much strength to do that. You are being so brave for your daughter. It sounds like you've got a head on your shoulders and are being as safe as you can be, just keep listening to yourself, you know what to do, and you know you deserve better. You got this.
@Hoxenos, thank you for your kind words. I'm trying to be strong and smart about this but inside I'm an absolute wreck. We're going home today and I feel so sick to my stomach and I'm shaking and restless.
@RainyDayJess
You will get through this. keep listening to yourself. You know what how you deserve to be treated, because it's how you think other people deserve to be treated in their relationships. If someone wants to put in the effort, they will. If they don't change that is their choice and it is 100% not your fault. Their actions are not your responsibility no matter how much they try to convince you of that. Their emotions, acts, feelings, they are all on them. Please do what you need to do to be safe, and make an emergency escape plan, you never know if you might need it and it's better to have it planned out ahead of time and not need it rather than need it and not have it.
Think about what your daughter deserves, the right to feel safe, and that you deserve that too. I promise you that it's possible to both feel loved by a partner and be completely safe around them. If that is not what you're feeling, then listen to those doubts, because everyone deserves to feel safe with the person who claims to love them.
