Emotional Abuse [Possible Trigger Warning]

Rainy, when i was a kid, my dad would tell me that i would eff up a wet dream, if i didnt do something right. One time, when i was 13 our well water froze up and we had to dig up the water line running to the house to thaw the line out. My hands were hurting from the cold air, with only a pair of socks on and i told him my hands were cold and he called me a p#$$y. He would tell me that my siblings and i were ungrateful. My dad always made fun of one of his brothers , about how he would holler go son when he watched his boys play sports. When i played summer league baseball, i can only remember him coming to one game. When i was taking warmup swings, he was hollering for me to not swing the bat so hard because i wouldnt be able to swing when pitched to. If he came to my games he would have seen that i hit the ball further than anyone i ever played with. Then he was hollering at me go son like he used to make fun at his brother. I was embarrassed and devastated in front of my team and classmates. He also sexually molested me. I resented him and didnt want to spend any time with him. I thought i had made it through all of that crap ok.

This past summer, i found out a girl i had almost married, had actually died 7 years ago from cancer. This was a year after my mom passing away. I went to see a counselor because i was crying, not sleeping right, and just feeling like crap. During my first or second session, she asked if i had ever been sexually abused. I had only talked to her about my mom and old girlfriend. She said the things my dad did to me was very likely the reason for her diagnosing me with major depression, ptsd, and a couple of other things to go along with my grief. She said its likely i had depression to a lesser degree all of the time since i was a kid. I think she may be right. It will never go completely away but you can get through things.

I did suffer physical and mental abuse from my parents, mostly my father growing up. Growing up it felt normal because I didn't know of any other way parents should be, but when I looked at my friends parents and how loving they were to their kids, I knew somethingwas wrong. It took me a long time to realize how wrong my parents were to treat me the way they did. I'm still struggling with it now, but I'm sure I would overcome the challenge of not having a happy family life one day. It takes small baby steps to cope with something like this. I would ask everyone else suffering from the same issue as me to keep up hope that things will get better. :)

A lot of the time when I ask my mom something, she would call me stupid, and it would really hurt my feelings. Just a week ago, my sister was at an volleyball tournament, and all I had to eat for dinner was a sandwich. I went to go watch and when I came back to eat, it was gone. I asked my mom to go and buy a slice of pizza, and all she said was "shut up" and I teared up and left for the washroom. My mom was the only person to ever say those things to me, and that what really upsets me.

Yes. I posted on it actually in this forum under the topic "Living with a Mentally Ill Parent" I hope you will read it to see what I go through and how I deal with it

Hey, thanks for posting =) I think this is a great forum to share our stories, and show each of us that weare not alone. I suffered from low self-esteem and anxiety because my dad was all about "tough love". I went through a lot of years fighting with him, resenting him, and rationalizing to myself that he loved me because it didn't feel like love at all. Through the years of him pushing me to my limit, I resulted in never feeling good about myself, and had a hard time accepting who I was because it didn't seem like i was good enough for anyone. I became less outspoken and more quiet as a result.There wasn't one specific way that helped me to cope, but my mom and my brother were "on my side" and understood my perspective on things. This really helped me to come to terms with my dad's "love", and I realized a lot of good things came out of his parenting style. I was too focused on the bad, and hated my dad for what "he had done to me", but I realized there was no point of being upset over what could've would've should've been. I accepted the present, and worked on my flaws, instead of trying to get my dad to fix them for me (which was essentially what I was trying to do in retrospect).

My family's always been dysfunctional- I think. I was just used to this as my normal, which makes it tricky for me to discern what' constitutes as 'normal' at times.

ie Dad's being an alcoholic was something no one mentioned; same thing with how he got at times when he was drunk [ie not nice to furniture, yelled at everyone- as the years went on, he got worse until mom gave up and got divorced]. Sometimes, he got so bad that mom had me and my little brother leave the house with her for hours, and we wouldn't return until 12 or 1 in the morning. And through it all, we never spoke a word of it to anyone. Mom, meanwhile, seemed to think that I've been useless for the better part of my time in school- and didn't mince words when she toldme of it at home. Repeatedly. When she wasmad, sometimesIwonder if all she wanted wasto see me cry [it feltthat way at times]. Me? I was the oldest sibling, and I ran interference for my little brotherwhenever I noticed that mom's footsteps sounded angry when she was headed towards where we were, or something along those lines. I tried to make sure my brother had the best childhood possible under our circumstances.

And now, I'm emotionally awkward [It takes effort to make me cry for anything emotional. Or, simply react to emotions in general- I'm never sure as to how to react to, say, people crying, or breakups,or...]. I'm also very stoic, and I really value my privacy, and I accidentally keep secrets at times [ieI still am very vague as to how my weekend went, regardless of who asks]. I also have a tendency to not want to ask for help, be it for something academic or emotional.

On the plus side, I get along well with everyone in the family, so there is that, I suppose.