Can a person really change who they are?

@Jlawson118 Well, first of all, have you explained to her exactly how you feel about her behaviour? If you haven't already, you can consider it. Secondly, if you think that her mother's controlling actions have some influence in how she acts around you, you can think about some way of also communicating that to her. Try to have a conversation where you feel neutral (I know it's hard) but you must stand firm if she tries to change your mind about something, like she did in that trip. If you notice that she doesn't even take into account the worries you have about the relationship, then you'll be able to make the decision you think best. You're the one who knows her and you, after all, but mainly, try talking to her about it. I hope it goes well!

I am so sorry for what you have been through. Your description of the relationship is abuse, emotional and- as you say she hits you- physical too. It doesn't matter the level of physical fighting-if it happens at all it is not good and will likely get worse if you continue to stay together. It is eayt to "fall in love" with someone who at first seems like a fairy tale- and then the real person comes to the surface- or perhaps you just see it later .At first the stars in your eyes were clouding your judgement. In any case-Here- we listen, but we don't offer advice. I did read your words carefully and I think you know what you should do , but it can be hard I know. People CAN change, but you can't change someone else. Just take some time for yourself and decide, and look for support from people who truly love you and care for you. my best wishes and a prayer for wisdom and strength.

You have to have a relationship with the person who's there, not the one you want to be there. If you're unhappy with who she is right now, don't stay around hoping she'll change.

It does sound like an abusive relationship to me. Often times when we're in one we have a really hard time believing it and seeing it for what it is. I'm glad you're listening to your gut feelings, it's so important to do so! We're so used to the media portraying men as these horrible abusers but it's also very common for women to be abusers as well and it's rarely talked about. I'm sure it must be very difficult for a man as well to have to go through all of this when there's so many expectations and pressures from society. Just remember that it's okay to speak up about it and reach out for help (which you're clearly doing). Abusive people rarely change, sometimes the way they're programmed (maybe from early childhood?) is almost impossible to change. The person has to want to change themselves if the change is going to happen and everything's always someone elses fault in their eyes. I hope you manage to recover soon from this relationship and again, remember that you're in the middle of the manipulation and slowly being put down all the time - it's so difficult to understand what's going on. If you'd like to talk more about it, feel free to private message me! Take care

And that sounds pretty much like the stuff I went through, it's so funny how all the abusive relationships are so similar. There's great support groups online and plenty of people who understand what you're going through!