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Jlawson118
4,740 M Seeking Light 7
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts84 Forum posts36 Forum upvotes33 Current upvotes33 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2019 Member sinceJuly 5, 2015
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How can she be so forgiving towards me after the way I've treated her?
Relationship Stress / by Jlawson118
Last post
 August 27th, 2016
...See more There's this girl that I met at college. I mainly got talking to her in my second year after I messaged her on Facebook asking something about her higher up course, we got talking, and after that she'd message me frequently checking how I was and things. We got closer really and it was obvious she liked me, and it got to a point where I bumped into her one day at college, and I had mixed feelings towards her whether I liked her more than friends or not. Some days I would be, others not really. And then we drifted slightly. Conversation on Facebook never went anywhere and so I'd end up forgetting to reply to her. And then I met a girl who I got into a relationship with, and I upset the girl from college, she deleted me on Facebook. I noticed straight away and asked her what was going on and she added me back blaming facebook. That relationship didn't last too well, and somehow we got talking again in September for a few months again, and I did the same as before, we drifted and I got into a relationship with a girl I met at university in November. We're still together now but I messaged the girl from college about a month ago telling her I'm an idiot for just ditching her again, and she welcomed me with open arms saying she could never be mad at me. And then just lately my girlfriend has been so distant from me, like she can't be bothered talking to me. And yet I talk to the girl from college who makes absolutely every effort to communicate with me regardless. And I got so upset with myself last night. My girlfriend couldn't be bothered with me and I said to the girl from college that I'm an idiot for taking her for granted and how she's always been the one who's been there for me no matter what. And yet she welcomes me with open arms despite the fact I've lead her on so many times accidentally and she still respects me. And it gets to me that she makes more of an effort these days than my own girlfriend even does..
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Can a person really change who they are?
Trauma Support / by Jlawson118
Last post
 September 20th, 2016
...See more So I'm a guy who's feeling emotionally bullied by my girlfriend. It's been eight months and I love her to bits, but she can be controlling at times and I feel really bullied a lot of the time, leaving me to just want to end the relationship. She just loses her temper with me over nothing, sometimes hits me (not hard but still a hit) but most of all, I just haven't felt like she loves me as much as I love her.. But she's going through trouble at the moment with her mum controlling her, and she just lets her do it..there's times in our relationship where she's so amazing, so loving, so supportive. And then there's times where she is just pure horrible. Her attitude today really hurt me, and I was looking up emotional abuse online and she was the spitting image of what these pages say, but I've seen them before and always thought she might change, and I'd see the amazing her a lot more often. And I worked up the courage to end things with her. She got worse and worse, I got my suitcase down (As I'm stopping at hers for a few months with her family in the country she's from) and I started folding my clothes up. She just laughed at me like "pfft he won't do it.." and we went for a walk, she was just super horrible to me all throughout, and when we came back, I carried on packing and she knew I was serious, and broke into tears begging me not to leave. Getting on her hands and knees and begging me not to leave. I'd already changed my flight online but she begged me to change it back, and after an hour, I eventually just did it and she still got worried I was going to leave her. So here's me thinking she might change now after all of this, but I just don't know. I've been doubting the relationship for a while..I just want her to be that amazing and supportive girl that I fell in love with. Not the one who says horrible things and gets controlled by her mum.. Any advice?
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I don't feel like I can cope anymore..
Depression Support / by Jlawson118
Last post
 July 8th, 2016
...See more I'm not suicidal as such, but I just feel worthless, like I don't want to be alive, like I don't want to move forwards with my life anymore.. I had a fresh start last year pretty much when I started university. I settled in well at first, but as time went on, it just started to really take it's toll and not seem worth the time or money. But then I got close with a girl in my class and we got together. She made me feel really happy, really confident and just generally I took pride in myself being able to say that she was mine! But some trouble happened then where the house she was living in just wasn't suitable for anybody sleeping rough, nevermind her paying quite a lot of rent for it, so me and my family moved her into our house. I won't deny that we got under each other's feet a little but it was nice being together. My family all love her to bits and life was looking really good. But my life has just flipped over in the last few months. She's from another country and so I was invited to stay with her and her family for a few months. Before coming, there was a bit of a distance between us both when she got stuck into a game, but when coming all the way out here, I was just looking at how stunning she was and I felt like the first time when we weren't official, but it was a bit of a chase between us both before getting together. I don't know why that came to mind, I just felt really insecure at the time. And we've had a few arguments and things over this time, but we've got over them, we always do. But her mum doesn't speak English, and my girlfriend has been reporting back to me that there's a lot of horrible things about me coming out of her mother's mouth. She's accused me of being mentally ill, she hates the way I look. Generally this has made me feel really worthless, and I'm still insecure about my girlfriend from before, it's 100X worse now. I feel like her mum is going to force her to leave me. She's already demanded my girlfriend moves out from me and my family's home, and is even trying to get her to quit university, all because of me. Without sounding vain because I'm far from it, I've never met a girlfriend or friend's family who have hated me so much. But she's lost friends and boyfriends because of her mum before, but she always says I'm different and she loves me too much and it's been her longest relationship (mine too) We've been together nearly 8 months now and I love her too much to let her go. But it's starting to hit me now that I think we both are really different and maybe even want different things out of life. She's been brought up by a poor family, I've been brought up by a family who isn't rich, but they've always had the money to support me. it's just the different cultures. Her mum is trying to snatch her away from me and I'm just feeling really clingy with her and I just know I'm getting too much for her. It's only before time she realises she can do so much better than me.. I'm jealous when she talks to other guys, because I'm nothing special. She's even talking to one of my close friends now because she's lonely, and I shouldn't mind this but I do. My life is pointless without her, yet I sit here and can't enjoy the present because I worry about the future. I don't know, I'm being clingy, she's being distant and I'm having my doubts about everything at the moment. Everything is getting me down. I feel insecure about myself and the relationship, her mum hates me, I don't feel like I have a future in general. I passed my driving test before I came here and will be getting a car when I go home, but I'm not even all that excited about it. I just can't be bothered with life..
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