Abusive/Overreactive Mother...Help Please
Hi, I'm a 13 year old girl who currently lives with her mother. My mother, father, and I came from another due to my father's work promotion when I was 8. Now that my father's deal is over, he now works back in our old country while my mother and I stay here in the US for my studies.
I live with an abusive mother, both physically and emotionally. She gets mad at the slightest things such as waking up 2 minutes later than planned. I have been kicked out of my house 2 times before - once when I was 7 and once last year when i was 12. My mother's "disciplinary actions" aren't really disciplinary actions to me, they hurt me and scar me both physically and mentally. I have been beaten up countless times, including by a golf club. Hearing that I'm useless and that I'm a freak by my mother is just part of my life now to me - I hear it so much that I've gotten used to it - almost. Crying is another "misbehavior" to my mother. Whenever I cry, I get beaten up again, which really affects me negatively. I always get slapped in the cheek, and she always throws whatever she has in her hand at me whenever she is angry.
She has hit me and kicked me in the stomach numerous times, using objects such as phones, slapping me on the cheek, pulling my hair, hitting me with rulers, etc. But when she gets her anger out, she is immediately aware of what she did and suffers in remorse until something arouses her anger out again. I'm really sad and sick of pretending that my life is great and happy. Sometimes, I try to talk my way out of her anger, but it's getting harder as I keep things to myself, and I feel like I'm keeping my emotions inside, with them ready to burst at any moment.
I am not entirely blaming my mother for this however, I do know that I should be a better daughter by working even harder on my chores and trying my best to please my mother. However, this is getting harder and harder. I try so hard to control my emotions and I don't know if I can take it any further.
My mother is a very kind and caring mother when she's not abusive, though. That's what kind of confuses me. When she doesn't have her sudden "bursts" of anger, she is very nice, which makes me scared to reach out for help. I'm afraid that if I do reach out for help, my mom's going to be affected negatively and find out that I have asked for help. I'm afraid that if other people know, my mom will get in trouble. I really love my mom and when she's not in her aggravated times, she can be a great mother. It's just that she can turn into someone different, and I don't like that. But I really need help. I am suffering, and I want to receive support.
Thank you so much for reading this - it would mean so much to me if you left even a small reply showing that you care. :)
@angelshreave
Oh not that's horrible and I'm very sorry your going through this alone I can't believe she made you leave the house at 7 years old and 12 years old that's so sad dose your mother do this when your dad is around or other family members or dose she only do this behind closed doors abusing a child is against the law hitting them and putting them in harm is also against the law even kicking them out of the house at a young age is also not allowed is there a reason to why your mother dose this dose she have mental illness or just for no reason uses you as her anger bag your mother really needs to control her anger its not good at all have you tried out self help guides on here or try reaching out to our lovely listeners on here to help you please don't be afraid to ask for help on here alright :) hope you'll be okay
@BrightRedFlower2322 She does this even with my dad at home, though my dad does try to stop her, but he's kind of helpless. The only people who know are me, my dad, and my mom.
@BrightRedFlower2322 And no, I don't think she has a mental illness. She just has sudden bursts of anger that she can't control, I guess. Thank you so much to replying - it means so much to me that you care and that you replied, even if I'm just a stranger online. :)
@angelshreave
Oh that's not good so she still dose this around your dad too there's no need to take your anger out of children if she wants her anger out she can join a gym and punch a punching bag as much as she likes but you never ever let anger out on children its wrong I am a mother to a beautiful baby girl I never take anything out on her and your mum should never bring you down I really hope she can see what she is doing to you is wrong and its affecting you badly I'm sorry your mother treats you like this no one should ever go through that you are very welcome everyone on 7 cups of tea is a stranger but in the end we all become a huge community of friends :) please look after yourself have you yelled at your mum saying stop no more it hurts please don't hurt me sometimes if you yell it out they may stop depends on the person and how responsive they are when they are angry
@angelshreave you know, she might have a brain tumor.
@angelshreave you should get your mother tested for, I'll put it as, 'being mental'. It is not normal to have sudden bursts of anger like that. She sounds like me. I am a calm, unenthusiastic peson about just about everything, but i imagine killing a dozen people i hate when i get angry. I shout at the top of my voice, and hit frequently. I am not into being friendly, but if i want to, i can be very kind and comforting.
Of course I care! I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. You're very mature for your age as well, hope you've been able to enjoy your childhood. I don't know why she's behaving this way but I do know that abusive people can be extremely nice as well and that's probably what makes things extremely confusing to try to figure out. I'm glad you're sharing your story with us and have found this supportive site. It's good that you're aware of what's been going on and are while you're this young, for some people it takes a very long time to figure out. I'm very proud of you. Have you thought about what you might want to do about it? Have you tried reaching out to other people you know and talk about it?
Take care 
@TealPapaya5 @TealPapaya5 Omg thank you so much for replying!! Every single thing you say means so much to me :) It's really hard with my life being this way, but it always makes me happier reading what you say :) I haven't told any adults yet (besides my dad), and I don't know if I should because then my mom would probably find out and get even madder at me, and she's a really good mom when she's just not very mad. I might request for an appointment with the counselor at school, but I'm not sure because most people know me as that happy girl at school who doesn't seem to have any problems.
@angelshreave Oh I should've probably replied this way but you'll get them either way 
People who have gone through abuse are usually experts at being the charming and happy type, I'm sure you're a very lovely person. I hope that you give the school counsellor a change and hope that it goes well. She might understand, she might not. You seem pretty good at expressing yourself though from what I can see so I'm sure everything will be all right. There's always more help if she doesn't. It might be a little more difficult for your father to hear all of this since you're his child, I assume there might even be a little bit of a denial. But you do what you thinks works best for you! :) Again, good luck! :) 