Check-in, Trauma Support Community, Sunday 2nd May 2021

heyy trauma community , i apologise for more absence and thank those covering my days I've dropped Saturday as that will now be elizebe day to do checkins but will be doing sundays if I don't however post I'm most likely having a good reason happening

topic : Egotistical States

so above we have the triangle of each state each and everyone of us move between ignore the quotes as I'm going to deep dive into each one a lot better than those quotes show .

And that’s why today we’re talking about the drama triangle. there are three sections on the diagram where you’re either playing the victim, the aggressor, or the hero. When you’re in a codependent, dysfunctional relationship, you’re playing one of those roles at all times. Each partner in the relationship is playing one of those roles at all times.

Let's start with The Victim

The role of Starting Gate Victim is also a shadow aspect. It is the wounded shadow of our inner child; that part of us that is innocent, vulnerable AND needy. This child-self does need support on occasion – that’s natural. It’s only when we become convinced that we can’t take care of ourselves, that we move into Victim. Believing that we are frail, powerless or defective keeps us needing rescue. This relegates us to a lifetime of crippling dependency on our primary relationships.

A SGV has accepted a definition of themselves that says they are intrinsically damaged and incapable. SGV’s project an attitude of being weak, fragile or not smart enough; basically, “I can’t do it by myself.” Their greatest fear is that they won’t make it. That anxiety forces them to be always on the lookout for someone stronger or more capable to take care of them.

read more of the info above ill link resources at the bottom I used as only pulled some of the info this goes for the other 2 states aswell

Rescuer

The Rescuer might be described as a shadow aspect of the mother principle. Instead of an appropriate expression of support and nurturing, the Rescuer tends to “smother”, control and manipulate others – “for their own good,” of course. Theirs is a misguided understanding of what it is to encourage, empower and protect.

A Starting Gate Rescuer is the classic, co-dependent. The SGR tends be enabling, overly protective – the one who wants to “fix it.” Rescuing is an addiction that comes from an unconscious need to feel valued. There’s no better way to feel important than to be a savior! Taking care of others may be the Rescuers best game plan for getting to feel worthwhile.

SGR’s usually grow up in families where their dependency needs are not acknowledged. It’s a psychological fact that we treat ourselves the way we were treated as children. The budding Rescuer grows up in an environment where their needs are negated and so tend to treat themselves with the same degree of negligence that they experienced as children. Without permission to take care of themselves, their needs go underground and they turn instead to taking care of others.

Persecutor

Like the other roles, the Starting Gate Persecutor is shame based. This role is most often taken on by someone who received overt mental and/or physical abuse during their childhood. As a result they are often secretly seething inside from a shame based wrath that ends up running their lives. SGPs, for survival sake, repress deep-seated feelings of worthlessness; they hide their pain behind a facade of indignant wrath and uncaring detachment. They may choose to emulate their primary childhood abuser(s), preferring to identify with those they see as having power and strength – rather than become the “picked on loser” at the bottom of life’s pile. SGP’s tend to adopt an attitude that says; “The world is hard and mean … only the ruthless survive. I’ll be one of those.” In other words, they become perpetrators. They “protect” themselves using authoritarian, controlling and downright punishing methods.

In the same way that the SGR is the shadow mother principle, the SGP is the “shadow father principle.” A healthy father's job is to protect and provide for his family. Rather than providing nurturing direction, the SGP attempts to “reform” and discipline those around him using manipulation and brute force.

resource used for explaining each state: The Three Faces of Victim – An Overview of the Victim Triangle (lynneforrest.com)

resource for the triangle images: The Codependent Drama or Victim Triangle - Karpman Triangle - The SHAIR Recovery Podcast (theshairpodcast.com)

Questions

1`. how are you feeling today?

2. which state do you tend to be in and why?

3 . anything you're wanting to share good the bad and in between?

4. one thing you can do to help yourself today?

of course the topic is optional if you rather not do it that's fine just a regularcheckin is fine if you prefer or a hug etc .

To be added to this taglist, follow the link HERE

@adaptableLake3534 @adequatelyInadequate @adventurousBranch3786 @Amelia2324 @AstronomySkies @AveryLove @BeenAKiwi @BillyJoeBobb @blueScarf9326 @BrokenDreamsPalace @BrokenMedic @CaptainTrev @CaringBrit @clare7199 @Colorfulcatsofhope @communicativeYard2325 @CoolBeans29 @crimsonLime6525 @crxxtvfl0w @depressedsatellite1452 @DinaElwy @domesticEmerald50s @emylly @Feathersfall @FigureskatingEquestrian @Fireskye13 @Fleggles @Gagaintheroom @gentleLand5245 @Ghxstie @goldenSpruce1512 @Grandmaof10 @gregariousBeing5071 @Grits1910 @hillsideblues @honestpanda81 @HonestWarrior6624 @HopeNChayil @HumanPersonThingy @Hydrangea03 @InfinityandBeyond23 @Itisbailey @jovialButterfly6752 @jr50 @jupitermatilde @JustSmilingThruHell @Kekesea11 @Kickiree @Kimmkimm @LightofWorld @Lilly28 @littleHuman9247 @littleOtter1342 @lovehummingbirdsCindy @LovelyOrangeJuice @lowkeyem1001 @Lubo123 @Luchelle @maya6548 @Mellietronx @mkaitx @MVObserver @mytwistedsoul @navyMango2804 @neatBlueberry3608 @neonDog3649 @neonOwl3442 @NevaehRose @Nolanhm @NoneTheWiser @nonethewiser @notmyselftoday @npos25 @oceancruiser48 @OffDutySeraph @OneWithSugar @ottersngiggles @Parvlakin @pencilmarks @Pidgeymon @PinkestOctopus @politeBunny7572 @purpleWheel873 @QuietLotus @rainbow3140 @Randomperson453 @ReallyRuth @Rebekahwriter13 @Redhawk6547 @redmark @Rosa9570 @SarahAlaina15 @scarletPear1945 @selfdisciplinedTiger5523 @sensitiveShade5337 @shiningDay80 @Silverviolets @sleepingd0gg0 @SnippyHam @sofiamartino18 @SoulSupporter102 @stickercollection @Summer899 @SynSavory @Taylorz27 @tealOak8933 @The0Vetoed0System @TheFisherKing @ThisIsLogan @ThreadbareThinker @TransparentPuzzle @Turtlegrrrl8 @u1146 @Understandingempath @UndomesticGoddess @uniqueDaisy @WarriorHeartsSystem @weepingwillow5489 @WelcomeToChat @Worrior22Warrior @Writersworld