Holidays

There is something about running calls when the house you go into is decorated for a holiday. Something about the way you know that family will be spending the holiday in the hospital or grieving. Doing CPR next to a Christmas tree or starting a line next to the holiday meal. Years of these calls have left those same holidays a PTSD trap of triggers and ghosts. I usually work if I can because now I'm one of those ghosts. A living ghost watching the festivities with the sick feeling that although my family is there and nothing is wrong, I no longer am present and the ghosts in my head make it feel dangerous and sad.